Tag Archives: shame

What Happens When the Leader Gets Stuck? (Michelle D. Howe)

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Today I woke up.  Not yesterday but just now.  Why?  Because a good friend told me to go for a bike ride.  I needed this bike ride to reconnect, refocus and remember how I show up in my body is how I show up in life.  This is an aspect that came up while leading Jenny’s 7 shifts coaching call today.

Picture taken on my bike ride. I want my life to flow like this river so to not become stagnant.

For the last 6 months, I have been dealing with a running injury in my foot that has caused me to slow down since running my best time at the half marathon in St Petersburg, FL. Since I could not run or walk due to the pain, I have done nothing physically and this has affected me more than I realized.

In the last few weeks, I have experienced elements of myself that have not come up for me in years like unusual outbursts of anger and self-sabotage.

Why am I back here Lord? 

Why am I not experiencing the flow, the growth and the freedom?

BECAUSE YOU ARE STUCK!!!

So what happens when the leader becomes inactive and stuck?

Here is are some of the results from me being stuck in the last few months.

  1. I don’t have much to give.  Due to not spending “real” time with the Lord I have nothing to give to others therefore I have avoided.
  2. I don’t finish what I started.  I haven’t been able to finish writing my book from the Weekend of Wins.
  3. I don’t show up authentic.  I show up fake and I start to manipulate life.  I go through the motions but nothing connects.
  4. I affect those I’m leading.  People are watching and based on my choices I’m leading them to their destruction or to their greatness.  I know my choices have affected my relationships because they are off kilter.
  5. I’m not living in “my life is not my own.” Due to being distracted by life and the things I’m allowing to take space in my head and heart there has been no room to really serve God’s people the way He has asked me too.  I have not encouraged those in my life as I usually do.  I have not been awake to react to God’s prompting in my heart.

I could look at all of this and feel blame, shame or guilt or I can look at it and decide to make some adjustments so I can be back in alignment with my Savior.

I want my life to breathe and grow like this beautiful air plant connected to this oak tree.

Here are some adjustments I’m choosing to make today:

  1. Asking for accountability - If I had had accountability,  I could have gotten out of this much earlier.  As the leader or coach, we too need people in our life to be accountable too so we aren’t leading people down the wrong path and we are staying connected to the Lord.
  2. Continuing my “daily” workout - If I can’t run or walk, then I’m going to bike ride.  On that bike ride, I will reconnect to God and hear from Him in the way I have for the last few years that have propelled me forward like no other time in my life.
  3. I will finish my book by the end of this month -  This purpose God has given me to encourage women in creating renewed confidence by participating in a half marathon or 5k event overwhelms me.  Why me?  This is what He used in my life so I know it will support others and so I continue on in faith knowing it will be done in His strength and not mine.
  4. I will reconnect in my relationships -  As I reconnect to God, I am filled and so I have overflow to give.
  5. I will continue to give thanks and have a grateful heart – Out of a grateful heart comes joy and contentment.  This is where I choose to BE!!!

Show me the right path, O Lord;  point out the road for me to follow.  5 Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.  All day long I put my hope in you. Ps 25:4-5

Do you recall a time you were stuck?  How did you begin moving again?  Please leave a commment.  We love chatting with you.  :-)

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If You Only Knew, by Tammy Bolt Werthem

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IF YOU ONLY KNEW…

If you knew the real me, the broken me, the messed up me;  you would leave me, hate me or run the other way.

In the past, I believed it was impossible for any one to love me if they knew my whole story.

This belief about being unique in my brokenness kept me from getting well for far too long.

I made some big messes in my day.  I spent months incarcerated.  I stole.  I cheated.  I lied. I was a convicted felon.  I was strung out on drugs, crack cocaine to be more specific.  I was homeless.  I had an abortion.

I used to believe that there were secrets in my life too dark to unveil.  Then I met the great Healer, the One who healed my heart and made me whole.

I finally let Him in, all the way.  His love covered my shame, saved me and set me free.

I share my secrets here so that others don’t feel alone.  I share my secrets with other women, journeying to their complete healing to support and love them.

All of my secrets have been surrendered to the Savior who redeemed them all.

He has taken each broken place and turned it into something beautiful, beyond recognition. 

He can do this for you too!

Let Him in.  Let Him love you. Let Him see you.

Let Him be for you all that He promises.

IF YOU ONLY KNEW…

How he longs to bless you, to be gracious to you, to shower you with love and mercy.

You are the apple of His eye; you are chosen, beloved, bought with a price, precious, and dearly loved.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are His child, adopted into His family. He promises you every spiritual blessing available in Him.

If you only knew how simple it is to let Him love you.  You would choose Him.

I did and I will never be the same!

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Want to Join our Secret Group? by Tammy

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becouseskyismylimit.xanga.comWhen we were in third grade, Jenny and I had a secret club with another set of twins. We all wore matching Dr. Pepper t-shirts to prove our alliance.  We drank lots of soda and had a secret handshake.  We loved our special club.

Jenny and I are still forming secret groups, but you don’t have to be a twin to get in.  You just have to want MORE!

Jesus offers His followers more:

“I came so they can have real and eternal life, MORE and better life than they ever dreamed of.”

I have been a part of Secret Groups on Facebook that are life changing, powerful and filled with God’s redemptive love and grace.  In a Secret Group on Facebook: Only members see the group, who’s in it, and what members post.

When we do our 7 Shifts coaching calls, we create a safe place for each group to share.  This is a place for participants to share their burdens and cheer for one another.  The wall where posts are shared is a safe place.  No judgment, no fear, no shame.  We can all be vulnerable and honest.

For information on the 7 Shifts, click here: 7 Shifts

Anonymity is sometimes necessary for people to reveal their innermost secrets. 

We tend to be more open to sharing our hearts when we are not feeling exposed.  I heard a radio host sharing about her morning walks with her husband.  She shared this was a valuable time for them to connect because they were free from distractions and that he seemed more able to share at a deep level, because of the position of their bodies.

Do you ever find yourself more able to reach out to a friend through a text, email or a facebook message because it is just “too much” to talk about in person.  I know that when I am feeling too emotional about something, it is much easier to type away on a keyboard, as this actually relieves some of my frustration. I tend to be pretty passionate, so sometimes seeing the words in print is helpful to me before I may actually say them out loud.

Do you need a place to connect where you will not be judged?  Do you find yourself wanting more in your relationships and in your spiritual walk?

Do you need a Secret Group?  Do you need a safe place to unload something from your past that is keeping you stuck?

I challenge you consider joining us in The 7 Shifts

You can be a part of a community of people who are seeking MORE!  More abundance, more healing, more growth, more depth, more hope, more love, more peace, more and more and more. 

And you cannot use the excuse that you don’t live close by.  You can do either of these groups by phone and we may even fly you in for our next conference!!

Don’t let your secrets hold you back from living a full and free life!!!

John 10:10 the Message

Jesus said:

“A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.”

If you have questions, please send me an email at tammy@everydaylifeline.com

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“Inseparable” – “She’s Gone”, Jenny Price

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I was so tired of believing the so-called miracles; so sick of hoping for all the possibilities; so desperately worn out of holding out for promises.

I was desperately drained of all measures of hope – and my husband saw it all over my face, and he felt it all around my broken heart.

“Jenny, you know God resurrects the dead, right?”

Defeated, and deep in my despair, I half heartedly nodded.

“It’s like Tammy died.  The sister you know, the one you want to return - she is gone.  And God is the only one that can bring her back to life.”

He’s telling me my sister died.  My lifeline.  My other half.  She’s gone.  I knew he was right, and the weight of it crushed my already shattered spirit.

Matt, my loving, tender, committed husband, had walked this road of my sister’s addiction, since day one.  When a man marries a woman who has an identical twin, he marries that other person too.  Not in the weird, dual marriage way, but he gets to know that other person, the one that has been there since day one, since conception.  All that was shared in mine and Tammy’s lives, up until my leaving our twinship for marriage – all of that was in me, around me, and tangled among us.  After we got married, Matt got to see the whole picture – how deeply rooted Tammy was in her addiction, in her fight to fill herself with the nothings of this world.   He cared deeply for her, and he held our boundaries high, in a healthy way.  His job was to protect my heart – for better or for worse – to hold me up, even when all of life was falling all around us.

Matt needed me there with him, with our kids, and not wandering around in my heart and my head, desperately waiting for the time of healing for Tammy to come.

I was her identical twin.  We were inseparable.  And I was also a wife, a mother – to three little people.  And this is where my life was.  Matt was just trying to pull me back in, to help me out of the despair.  Ironic that it took me accepting her “death”, to move me out of the darkness.

I’ve tried to explain how my heart moved forward from this day.  I try to offer my story to others who are waiting for prodigals to return.  The day I held the funeral in my heart, for my other half, for my twin, for Tammy, addicted to filling her confusion with drugs, and other dangers – the day I accepted that SHE was gone, I was able to believe God even more for what He as capable of doing.  I gave up believing what I could see, and began trusting Him for what He could see, do, accomplish and heal in her heavy heart.

I wish I could say that Tammy showed up the next day.  Or the next week.

She didn’t.  She was gone.

It was more than 6 months until I saw her again.  Long months, filled with days, filled with seconds of anguish and wonder – is she alive?  Is she even out there?  What if she really is dead?

Luke 8:50

Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus (or to Jenny), “Don’t be afraid.  Just believe and she will be healed.”

I kept fully believing in Jesus, the incarnate God, the one who was dead, and was made alive again.  I kept trusting that this could be done in my sister’s life.  I held on so tight to the promise that she belonged to Our Father.  I know the fruit of her life, and the walk with Jesus that she traveled.  She was just wandering around as a dead person, in the darkness.  And I would not stop believing in what could be.

I filled my days with dishes, laundry, snuggles, and snotty noses.  I shared my broken heart with my husband, without telling him the words in my head, and the anguish in my heart. I spoke of Tammy in my journals.  I carried her to Jesus, to the hem of His robe, to the healing power of the cross.

She was gone.  She once was dead, and she would be made alive – in His time.

I was here.  And that same healing Jesus said to me, “Jenny, you too have need for my grace, for my touch, for my healing power.  Come to me, and touch my garment.  My burden is light.”

It was in these months that I began to pray a prayer that I have spoken faithfully since – a prayer that God will always and quickly answer for me -

“God, Father, Lord Jesus, show me my sin.  Reveal to me the places I am going to fill my heart with anything besides you.  Show me my stuff Lord.”

Luke 8:47

“Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet.  In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed.”

important PS. My sister Tammy is ALIVE and well, and abundantly being used to shape others in their healing process (she has been sober and strong for over 8 years now).  I get to be a business partner/life coach with her at www.everydaylifeline.com and she is one of the bloggers her on www.iwokeupyesterday.com.  I serve a LIVING God.

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What have you learned in your deepest, darkest hours, that you can share with us?  Can you relate to this loss?  Do you have a loved one, or have you, struggling in addiction?

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I’m Fine. REALLY??? by Michelle D. Howe

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“On the outside everything looked “fine,” yet on the inside I was haunted by thoughts of never being good enough.  I felt like I could never do enough measure up.”  A Confident Heart by Renee Swope

A Confident Heart by Renee Swope was listed on someone’s Facebook page last week and for some reason I was drawn to it.  I was looking for another book to start with my book/bible study group on Friday mornings and this title caught my attention.  So I went to Amazon and ordered it.

I started the book yesterday and the same day I received a mass email from a friend suggesting the same book was available free as an ebook on Amazon for my kindle app.  Ok that’s weird.

Let me say that I’m only on chapter 2 so far and I am impressed with the message.  Today I was particularly moved by a section in chapter 2 called “From a Distance” where she defined the word FINE.

She says, “Although we tell people we’re fine, what we really mean is that we are…

Frazzled

Irritated

Neurotic

Exhausted!!!”

Lately, I have had some conversations regarding the response, “yeah I’m fine.”  I used to even say the statement, “fake it to you make it.”  Really, does that work?  Acting fake or not being honest about where you are or what is happening really support you in your life?

I would say no, not really!!  So why do we put on this “act” on that everything is fine?

Maybe because we think if we are honest with those in our lives we might be…

Rejected

Judged

Shamed

or something worse – Alone.

Wow, how the enemy likes to use these lies to keep us stuck and faking it.

What a Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic and Exhausted life!!!  That really isn’t life that is hell.  Oh, how we settle when God has so much more for us.

So what do you do?  How do you transform this kind of thinking?

  • BE honest! - Talk to a safe friend and tell them where you really are in life.  This will support you in letting go of the feelings that are getting the best of you.
  • BE real!  – Really people know things aren’t good from your body language and how you interact with people.  So stop faking it and let others be there for you – to pray for you, to encourage you, to love on you.
  • Be forgiving!  – Forgive yourself, those that have hurt you, and to those in your life right now.  Sometimes the hurt goes back so far and is so deep that we tend to put that anger on those in our life now that weren’t the original person that hurt you.
  • Be open to support! – No one is meant to do life alone therefore ask and receive support from those that want to love on you.
  • Be authentic!  – Begin being authentic and truthful with those in your life.  Practice this in safe moments with friends, family and co-workers.  As you start applying it in your life it will come more natural.  If you being faking it for a longtime, it will take a conscious effort to shift.
  • Be amazed! – God wants to use the broken places in our lives to work in the lives of others around us.  By letting others know honestly where you are, you are actually encouraging others to step into their own healing.  God will amaze you how he uses “his story” in you.

“One day I realized I couldn’t keep pretending .  I was not fine, and I couldn’t fake it anymore.”  Renee Swope

So where does life find you right now?  Are you living in “I’m fine” world trying to fake it till you make it?

Today is the day to choose life!  Life completely surrendered to God’s plan – standing up, body open, hands raised and open to receiving all God wants to give you in your authentic beautiful life.

What are your thoughts on the saying “I’m fine.” Why do you think we say this?  Leave your comments below. 

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5 Reasons to Tell “His Story” in You, by Michelle D. Howe

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For the last few weeks, Jenny and Tammy have been sharing parts of their story for an upcoming book titled ”Inseparable.”  Why would they share these painful memories?  Why go back to relive the hurt, the addiction and the shame?  Mostly, because their stories are really God’s stories in them.

Why is it God’s story if I’m the one that experienced it?  Well once you have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus, you now belong to Him.  Your past, your present and your future is now His.  He holds your life in His nail pierced hands.  Whether you were a believer now or then, God wants to use all parts of your life to bring Glory and Honor to Himself.  He wants to take all your experiences, your hurts and your pains and use them to bring others to the saving grace of His son, Jesus Christ.

A.W. Tozer said, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.”

I’m sure this might be hard to understand but we know God ways are not our ways so we trust that He has a plan - a plan that takes all of our torn, broken lives and redesigns them to make the most beautiful and glorious tapestry.

Beyond God using our lives to bring others to Himself, here are another 5 reasons to tell “His Story” in You.

  1. Conversation leads to conviction - This is not a bad thing.  When others in my church gave their testimonies about their past sexual abuse, it brought up those aspects in my life that I had not looked at and was in bondage to in moving authentically forward in my life.
  2. Shedding light to the pain - When I decided to go back to look at those painful times, I began to shed light to it. Darkness was lurking in my heart from the past, keeping me stuck and afraid to move forward on my goals and dreams.  Shedding light brought a new sense of confidence and creativity to my life.
  3. Healing brings new opportunities - This new sense of confidence and creativity lead me to exciting new opportunities to support others dealing with similar past abuse through facilitating a study called “The Wounded Heart” by Dan Allender. These kinds of opportunities feed my soul when I knew that God was using me and my past experiences to love and encourage His people.
  4. You are not alone – When you share your testimony or His story of redemption in your life, it supports others in knowing they are not alone.  Everyone has a past, a story, secrets and painful memories that are lurking around.  No ones needs to feel as though what happened to them has never happened to someone else because it has.
  5. Compassion flows from your soul - When you grasp the fact that everyone has dealt with betrayal, pain, hurt and shame in their lives, you develop compassion for those around you.  Inside of each of God’s people is a heart – a heart either filled with his Holy Spirit or with the nothingness of this world.  As children of God, redeemed by Christ blood, we are called to be his hands and feet to a broken world not a group of sideline judges.

Jenny and Tammy have put their story out there not to bring Glory to themselves or rehash the past for good times sake.  They are wanting to fulfill the call on their lives so that others will come to Jesus – the one true healer of our souls.  This world will not and can not satisfy or heal those missing places in your heart – no person, no drug, no drink, no food, no new outfit can sustain in that hole that was only meant to be filled with God.

I know that God is about using broken messed up people to do extraordinary things because that is what He did in the bible when He used people like Jacob, David, Paul and the disciples to accomplish His work.

This life is not about living it to the best of your ability so that others can golf clap for you.  No!  It is about living a life that when you die others will be celebrating all God accomplished for His purposes by utilizing the gifts, the experiences and the talents He entrusting to you.

Today is a new day!  God wants to convict your heart so that light can enter and begin a new work in you.

How are you going to move forward?  How has “Inseparable” encouraged you?

Please share your thoughts in the comments.  Michelle 1Cor 6:19 :-)

I woke up yesterday and decided to share my story (His story) over lunch with a friend.  She shared hers too and we were both encouraged.  Oh, how I love my Lord.

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Got Secrets? (my thoughts on Inseperable) by Tammy Bolt Werthem

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Got Secrets? Mine almost killed me!

If you have been following our blog for any time, you know this about us: We are real.  We are honest and in our honesty, we expose ourselves.  The recent posts, by my sister, Jenny entitled “Inseparable” have been unveiling some of my darkest secrets.  (Scroll down to read these, or view them in the Archives)

In recovery circles, there is a phrase tossed around: You are as sick as your secrets.

At one point in my life, I was super sick, as a result of keeping many secrets.  Combined with hopelessness and shame, I was a walking time bomb of destruction.

You may have been wondering how I feel about being so exposed. I am more than okay with it, for I am certain that people will be helped, as a result of our story being told.  Jenny has received not just my permission to share “our story” but my blessing.

There is no better person to tell it.  She is a gifted writer and storyteller, she is my lifelong friend, and she is my identical twin. She lived it and her perspective is invaluable.  As I read the excerpts, my heart is moved and reminded of the pain and heartache, and so extremely grateful for the redemption story, that is our life today.

I had some dirty little secrets.  They had me.  They kept me stuck, living in my addiction and limited me in so many ways.

Today, I have hope that is eternal.  I have a redemption story that will blow your mind.  Keep reading for more of “our story”.

Jeff Goins is one of my online writing mentors:  He too is real and I appreciate this about him.

In his post, entitled “Why you should tell the ugly parts of your story”, he says:

“If you write a blog or a memoir or simply find yourself telling a story to a friend over coffee today, try doing this for a change:

Tell a nasty part of yourself you’d otherwise conceal. Tell something that humiliates and humbles you, and see how your audience reacts……….At times, you will hold the keys to another’s prison.

Just like when you write from the heart, your pain will become someone else’s healing balm….there is a world full of desperate, broken people, longing to hear the honest words of another ragamuffin.”

You can read his full post here: http://goinswriter.com/write-ugly/

I challenge you to be bold in sharing your story. You never know who you could be helping.  Tell something despicable and see who relates.  Tell something shameful or embarrassing and you may be surprised by the loving people who will surround you and tell you a simple but transformational message:

 You are not alone and this is not the end of your story.

I am honored to be part of the team at Everyday Lifeline.  We are world changers.  You can learn more about our team here: http://everydaylifeline.com/

Please share Your Heart. Leave a COMMENT below. Your story matters to us.

Please also share HIS story of our lives with those in your life. His message is for ALL.

We value your support in SHARING and FOLLOWING “iwokeupyesterday”

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Fighting for my Marriage (by Tammy)

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I still consider myself a newlywed.   Jacob and I celebrated five years of marriage in June 2011.  Marriage is hard work and sometimes even a battle.  The statistics for lasting marriages are not real promising. The “Americans for Divorce Reform” estimates that probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce.

Money problems are often cited as the number one cause of divorce in America, but it’s impossible to calculate because they are part of a larger cause usually called ‘irreconcilable differences’, which basically means that couple couldn’t get along. Another key cause is adultery, with an estimated quarter of marriages dissolving for this reason. Surprisingly, very few people cite outright abuse as a cause of divorce. (from www.divorceguide.com)

I have chosen to fight for my marriage and seek to understand my husbands unique struggles.  Thankfully, we have a great support system through our church and our close friendships.  Healthy marriages are modeled for us and we are held accountable in our relationship.  I believe with all my heart, that our relationship will last because Christ is the center and we seek to honor Him and live our lives to serve and glorify Him.

Jacob and I have had our share of conflict and most of our conflict is from raising kids (step-parenting) and money issues.  Another struggle we share is both being visually stimulated.  Getting real about this has set us free and both of us have had healing and great success in overcoming this battle.  In my case, I was exposed to pornography at a young age.  In my adult life, I chose to look at porn as a means of escaping painful emotions, only to exacerbate this pain, creating even more shame.  This is a vicious cycle and so many people struggle silently with this issue.  If only we (as a church) could be more real about this issue and seek to protect ourselves, our husbands and children from exposure to pornography.

If this is an issue in your marriage or relationship, please seek help today and tell a friend, who will love you and hold you accountable.  Also, take action to protect your family by using internet filters such as Safe Eyes or K9 to block pornographic images.

Some really helpful books that helped us in our marriage are:

Every Man’s Battle (Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time) 

Written by Stephen Arterburn

Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment 

Written by Shannon Ethridge

Blame, Shame and Guilt Have NO Place in My Life (Part 3 of 3)

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So do people make you feel guilty or do you choose to feel guilty after being accused of something?  Seems like a silly question but I want you to understand that no one makes you feel a certain way.  We choose our feelings based on our experience in that moment.  As mentioned before, our feelings are not who we are and they can not be trusted at times.  The enemy will use these feelings of blame, shame and guilt to paralyze you from moving forward in life. 

Guilt is defined by dictionary.com as a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
 
Romans 3:23 says, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  Why then do many believers believe that their sin is worse than the next persons sin?  Why does guilt play such a huge part in our daily lives?   I believe guilt and forgiveness goes hand and hand.  If you are not able to forgive yourself for your past choices then how are you ever going to decide to make new healthy choices for yourself.  Where it starts is forgiving yourself.  1 John 1:9 says,” If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  As a believer in Jesus Christ, you have been forgiven past, present and future sins.   For goodness sake, He has purified us from all that yuckiness. 
 
So why do you want to continue to play in mud if you have already been made sparkly clean?
 
Here may be some of the reasons:
  1. To accept God forgiveness would mean that I was worthy of it.  YES YOU ARE!!!
  2. To be made clean may mean that I can’t live in my victim story anymore.  THANK GOD, MOVE ON!!!
  3. To forgive others means I have to talk to them.  TRUST & BE FREED!!!
  4. To forgive means I admit that was wrong.  NOT ABOUT RIGHT OR WRONG!!!
  5. To accept God forgiveness means I now have to accept responsiblity for my past choices.  IT WON’T KILL YA!!!
  6. To accept God forgiveness means that I have to receive God’s love and acceptance.  HE BEEN WAITING!!!

These might be just a few things you might be dealing with that is stopping you from letting go of the guilt, forgiving yourself and others from past hurts. 

In 2010, I had the opportunity to see Christian recording artist Mandisa in concert in South Florida.  You remember her from a past American Idol season.  Well she is fantastic and I purchased her Freedom CD and she signed it for me.  I uploaded the cd that year to my Ipod so I could enjoy the encouragement while training for the 1/2 marathon.  One of the songs called, “Not Guilty” just spoke to my heart and I had the privledge of singing it at a women’s event that year. 

So here are the words and the video link below for you to enjoy on YouTube.  I pray you click on the link, close your eyes and listen right now.  In that moment, I pray that God will transform your heart to forgive yourself, to forgive those in your life and to receive God forgiveness.  It just may be one of the hardest things you ever done in your life and it will be the most rewarding.  The rewards will come in new open and honest relationships, a clear communication with the Holy Spirit, and a calling into service for God that brings Glory to Him.  Take a step of faith and choose to remove all blame, shame and guilt from your life.  The payoff is incredible!!!  Many Blessings, Michelle  :-)

“Not Guilty” by Mandisa   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2X2Kh4Sn0Y&feature=related

I stand accused
There’s a list a mile long
Of all my sins
Of everything that I’ve done wrong
I’m so ashamed
There’s nowhere left for me to hide
This is the day
I must answer for my life

My fate is in the Judge’s hands
But then He turns to me and says

I know you
I love you
I gave My life to save you
Love paid the price for mercy
My verdict not guilty

How can it be?
I can’t begin to comprehend
What kind of grace
Would take the place of all my sin?

I stand in awe
Now that I have been set free
And the tears well up as I look at that cross
‘Cause it should have been me

My fate was in the nail scarred hands
He stretched them out for me and said

Chorus

I’m falling on my knees to thank You
With everything I am I’ll praise You
So grateful for the words I heard You say

Blame, Shame and Guilt Have NO Place in My Life by Michelle Howe (Part 2 of 3)

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Do you remember your first experience with shame?  Maybe it was something that happened when you were younger like you accidentally tripped over the cord to the lamp breaking it then you got yelled at by your parents.  How about you getting uncomfortable attention over your developing body then the other girls or boys in your class.  Another could have been the most embarrassing moment that has ever happened to you or maybe someone found out something about your past.  Regardless of your experiences we have all felt the feeling of shame. 

Shame is defined by the freedictionary.com as a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.

The first experiences of shame happened in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve sinned against God then shamefully covered themselves because they now were aware of their nakedness.  According to Genesis 2:25, they had never felt shame before they disobeyed God.  In Chapter 5 of the Wounded Heart work book by Dan Allender it says, “As fallen humans, our natural response to the fear of exposure is hiding – denial and deception.  Like Adam and Eve, we cover ourselves with fig leaves and hide behind bushes against the searching eyes of God or other people.  We despise standing vulnerable before God and others; therefore, we find countless ways to flee from His and their presence to avoid being seen.

The kind of shame that comes from our Heavenly Father is called conviction or legitimate shame.  Again the Wounded Heart workbooks states, “Legitimate shame exposes our rebellion against God.  We should feel shame when we have demeaned or slighted another human being, thus violating our relationships with her and the Lord.  We should be heartbroken, humbled, shamed when we do not worship the Lord with our whole heart, soul, mind and strength.”  These kinds of convictions will move us closer to God rather than farther away from Him. 

How does shame play out in our daily lives?

Family:  We are to model to our kids the ways God disciplines us in acknowledging our sin, loving us through it and forgiving us.  When my kids were younger, I was mentored through a program called “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp.  This is an incredible book that teaches how to discipline your children the way God desires to grow their hearts towards Him.  It teaches them about the sin in their heart and how they can’t do it on their own.  In my opinion the parenting style of the past, fear based, is not helpful in teaching the children about the love of God.  Rather it teaches them about shame which later leads to rebellion.

Church:  This is a huge issue in my opinion in the church community for many decades.  In the bible, God teaches about grace, love, truth, freedom and forgiveness.  Some churches teach that it is shameful to expose your broken sinful self.  Just push it under the rug.  Leave that outside the church.  When you are here you smile and act as if nothing is wrong.  Really???  Not exactly sure but I do believe that during Jesus’ ministry He exposed people sin not to shame them but to show them His love and redemption.  It is no wonder that so many have left the church when denial and deception is the goal rather than healing and forgiveness.  My churches tag line is “Real Church for Real People.”  My church is messy and ugly at times because we created the space for people to expose their shameful past and find freedom in Christ Jesus.

 Workplace:  Shame can be a result of the dictatorship leadership style in the workplace.  If you don’t do this, then this will happen.  Today’s working environment should be one of a team contribution.  In a team situation, all our involved and responsible for the planning, executing and results of a project with a manager overseeing the team.  Fear based leadership like parenting does not help employees be efficient in moving forward.  They will tend to do as little as possible whereas not having to be responsible for the results due to shameful reprimands.  Unfortunately, most managers tend to be a dominant personality therefore are not willing to give any responsibilities over to other employees in fear it won’t get done right.

Blame and Shame are two very strong feelings is our world since the beginning of time.  Our feelings are not who we are.  They are devices that the enemy uses to keep you paralyzed in life.  Decide today to let God reveal where shame is keeping you stuck  and also those you are shaming so you can receive His love and forgiveness.  I would encourage you to not do this alone.  Call a supportive friend, pastor, or myself to support you in letting go of blame, shame and guilt.  Many Blessings, Michelle :-) 1 Cor 6:19