Tag Archives: Marriage

He’s My Valentine, Jenny Price

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old souls love

22 years ago (today), a 20 year-old young man, was preparing for ”tomorrow”.

Valentine’s Day, 1991, he would ask to steal my heart – for life.

Tom Brown Park.  Tallahassee, FL.  We were Sophomores at Florida State.

He’d made a picnic.

Brownies too.

I peeled the tinfoil off the brownie and found a box.

It held the diamond, that held the promise, of his heart holding mine – forever.

22 years later, today:

He tells me I’m a rock star (even when I’m falling apart).

He says, “You are so beautiful” (even as I get ready in the morning – grumpy and bumpy).

He messes up, and says, “I’m sorry.  I was wrong.” (even when I’m too stubborn to do the same).

He holds me, and won’t let go, arms wrapping tighter (even as I pull away – afraid to feel this love and security).

We hurt each other.

We say the wrong things.

We lead perfectly imperfect lives – and we do it – together.

And we hold on to forever (even when it’s just too hard).

He’s My Valentine.

He’s Jesus to me. 

The kind with skin on.

He’s Jesus with arms, a face, even a goatee.

His voice speaks love and grace and faithfulness to my heavy heart.

He’s My Valentine.

A few of the Jesus lessons My Valentine has taught me:

People matter more than tasks.  The counters being cluttered doesn’t bother him.  He’s more concerned with decluttering broken hearts.  He sees the people before the problems.  He loves them where they are.  Not for where they “need” to get.

Live for Jesus and Him alone.  You can’t live in fear of what “they” think or what “they” expect.  It will cripple you.  If you need to please every man and woman in your life, you simply won’t make one single move.  It’s impossible.  So stop trying.

You cannot out give God but you can sure have fun trying.  He gives, and gives, and gives some more.  Never wanting in return.  Never expecting a thank you.  It’s overflow for him.  He’s just giving Jesus, and for him, there truly is enough, because it’s all His anyways.  Give.

You are not responsible for other people’s’ choices.  You can’t fix.  You can’t carry the weight of the world.  You will think of ways to mend the wounds and clean up messes, and you simply can’t do it.  You are responsible for your choices.  Your marriage.  Your children.

Carry that to the King.  And lift up those who need encouragement, but don’t take their stuff on as if it belongs to you.

Only Jesus can carry all that.

And He did.

All the way to Calvary.

Jesus is enough.

And yet, He blesses us with hands and feet versions of Himself. 

Perfectly imperfect manifestations of His love.

Thank you Matt for being My Valentine.

For teaching me.

Loving me.

I’m so glad you stole my heart 22 years ago. 

love. mattCOMMENTS welcome:  TELL US ABOUT SOMEONE WHO IS JESUS WITH SKIN ON IN YOUR LIFE.  AND THEN SPEND TIME TELLING THEM.

WE LOVE COMMUNITY

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JENNY

TAMMY

MICHELLE

Define Your Year with One Word (Jenny, Michelle and Tammy)

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How do you want to define 2013?  How about focusing on One Word.  This One Word can set the tone or content for how you will show up and influence every moment of 2013.   We believe it can create a more focused and intentional year and empower you to reach your fullest potential in the abundant life God has created for you.

Here are the words we have chosen to wake up to and be more aware of in 2013 and a review from our word in 2012.

Jenny’s word for 2012 was Courage.

Jenny Price, Overflow

It was needed in many ways, on the risky days, and on the quiet days.
I chose His courage over mine.  My courage is limited.   His is unending.
My courage is unstable.   His is perfectly accessible at all moments of life.  I have not mastered choosing HIS courage, but I know the difference.  When I run on my power, strength, hope, courage, or peace, it always runs short.
But running my life on JESUS, leaves me full every time.
So, the year ahead, 2013, I will live in OVERFLOW.  I will live in the knowing:
I serve a God who never runs out.  He always has enough.  He always IS enough.
He is my portion and He is yours.  He has MORE than enough for all of us.
When there’s overflow, we don’t have to pick who gets what.
When there’s overflow, every dream can be reached – every person loved – every orphan chosen.
When there’s overflow, we get to rest in what is, and be already grateful for what’s coming.
When there’s overflow, we don’t look around wondering, will He provide?
We already know He has provided – everything we need for our everyday life.
He gave it at the cross – in OVERFLOW.

Romans 15:13 –  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit

Psalm 23:5 - You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Psalm 65:11-12  - You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance.The grasslands of the wilderness overflow; the hills are clothed with gladness.

Lord, Jesus, may I rest in your overflow.
May I know how much you love me – no matter what I do or don’t do – that your love has fully covered my life.
In 2013, and beyond, and Out of Your OVERFLOW…
May I give your truth to the hungry.  May I feed your hope to the powerless.
May I grant your peace to the pain ridden.  May I be YOUR overflow in the world that desperately needs to live in Your “enough”.

Michelle Howe, Gratitude

Michelle’s word in 2012 was consistent – to create consistency in my walk with God, my marriage, health, financial and other aspects of my life.  Living a more consistent life has given me an appreciation for the here and now.  It is in the mundane that I want to lose sight of my calling but I’m called to do all things for God rather than men (Col 3:23).

I am still working  on consistency and I am allowing God to bring more of Him in my life this year by focusing on being grateful.

Michelle’s word of 2013 is Gratitude

Gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

At the end of 2012, this attitude of being thankful keep coming up for me.  For my birthday, Tammy gave me Ann Voskamp’s book, “One Thousand Gifts, A Dare to LIVE FULLY  right where you are.”  This book as punctured my soul with the beautiful poetic writing and the message of Eucharisteo.  Within this greek word for thanksgiving is grace and joy.

In 2013, I want to experience the FULLNESS of God with Eucharisteo so I can appreciate every moment, every day, every blessing and give thanks to the One that is the giver of Life.

I choose this year to keep a gratitude journal.  I choose to influence my family to by asking every night what they are thankful for and writing it on their calendar before crossing off the day.

To wake up and read Jesus Calling 365 daily devotional one for me and one for my girls.

To encourage others to be thankful because out of a grateful heart flows satisfaction and contentment which leads to salvation and peace.

Thanksgiving – giving thanks in everything - prepares the way that God might show us His fullest salvation in Christ  Ann Voskamp

Psalm 50:23 – He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God.

1Thes 5:16-18 – Always be joyful.  Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Psalm 105:1 -  Give thanks to the LORD and proclaim his greatness.  Let the whole world know what he has done

Tammy Werthem, Influence

Tammy’s One word for 2013 is INFLUENCE.

Influence is the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself.

Matthew 5:16  “A Christian’s good works should shine before the world, illuminating truth and pointing observers at the glory of God. Christians should work in such a way as to always point observers toward God.”

I chose INFLUENCE because I know that God is counting on me to make a difference.

I have unique gifts and experiences that can benefit others.  No one else is equipped like me.  Each of us is wired and gifted in special ways.

1 Corinthians 12:7 “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good”

I have overcome much and live in victory because of Christ’s amazing love and redemption made manifest in my life.

I desire to be an agent for change in the kingdom of God.

I long to share my story to lead other’s into their complete healing in Christ.

I hope that when other’s see the miracles of my life, they will believe more deeply in Jesus and be empowered to move forward in mighty ways.

We encourage you to define your year so you too can be intentional about growing in your walk with the Lord.  Pray and ask Him to show you your One Word. 

What is your One Word that will define 2013?  Please share in the comments.

Check out the website My One Word to support you in defining your year.  http://myoneword.org/

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JENNY

TAMMY

MICHELLE

Who’s on the Bottom of Your List? by Michelle D. Howe

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Why is it that we can give everyone and everything our best but for some reason the ones closest to us receive the rest of us?  Our rest is exhausted, spent and overcome by our to do list.  Unfortunately, I put my husband at the bottom of that list for many years.

For many years, I pursued whatever path to feel significant, important and successful.  Not really sure why except I suppose it was what made me feel accepted and loved in this world.

As I was pursuing these ventures, my husband was along the sidelines feeling left out, alone and forgotten.  He would say statements that sounded like complaining but what he was really trying to do is receive my attention and respect.

Why are you doing that?

How long will that take?

When will you be done?

I’m always at the bottom of the list?

What am I chop liver?

These are some of the consequences to my choices:

  • Resentment around any suggestions of dreams or ideas
  • No encouraging words
  • No prayers over me
  • No interest to help or support

No surprise really.  Who wants to support a dream that is just going to take their spouse further away from them?  Who wants to encourage more time away when they hardly spend quality time together as it is?

When did it shift for me? 

When everything fell to pieces around me back in 2007-2008.

This was my wake up call!!!  This was when my surrender began and has continued for the last 5 years.

How did I bring my husband back up to the top of the list?

  1. I went through the book The Love Dare with him back in Jan 2009.
  2. I asked for forgiveness.
  3. I began sharing what God was doing in my heart to transform me.
  4. I included him in planning and dreaming for his feedback.
  5. We choose to be intentional about our personal growth.
  6. We began doing ministry together.
  7. We choose to take part in a Love and Respect study.
  8. I ran my last 3 miles for him and our marriage at my last half marathon deciding to give him my Best rather than my Rest!!!

Note Mark left me the morning of our Leadership Event

What has resulted by these positive choices?

  • Encouraging notes
  • Prayers over me and our endeavors.
  • Wise counsel for doing business
  • More ways he shows me love
  • More enjoyable and laughable moments

Now we are still a work in progress but we are in a much better place honoring each other and God through all we do and say.

One of the best parts of being married to my husband for the last almost 17 years is he allows me to be me.   Crazy, sometimes weird and loud old me!!! He has allowed me to grow without condemning me for not being perfect.  He is a wonderful example of a Godly man living his life from a place of service rather than for self.  He is my Godly example and I respect him.

Who is on the bottom of your list?  Why are they there?  Do you have an experience of being the person on the bottom of someone’s list?  Please share your comments.

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Why Won’t My Husband Lead? Because He Doesn’t Have To…Jenny Price

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“Why won’t my husband lead?”

Ladies, here’s a few reasons why he’s not leading (and MEN, don’t check out – read and then have a healthy discussion with your wives):

1.  You’ve got it “all under control” – the bills, kids, date nights, vacations – even what he’s going to wear to church.  He doesn’t have to plan because you already did.  He doesn’t have to work harder, because you make it easier for him not to.

Until you let go of the wheel, no one else gets to steer.   

Not until our 5th child, did Matt and I have conflict over how to parent.  Just last week, before church, Matt called me on my stuff.  I was too hard on this child, and he said, “Maybe you could try this.” – which led to more discussion.  I was open though (even in my stubbornness).  I listened.

“Jenny, are you willing to let me handle it and it NOT look the way you may want it to look?  Are you able to trust my decision and leave it alone?  because that’s the only way I can back you up here.”

And I am willing.  And I am practicing.  And it is getting better.  Slowly, but surely, I’m letting go of what I need it to look like.

2. You don’t trust him, or like how he does it, and you might even tell him what’s wrong with what he did do.

“Why do you fold the towels like that?”

“This movie is so boring.  Can we leave?”

“Why aren’t the kids in bed?  Why do you let them stay up so late? Come on!  I want it done this way!”

How about edifying, encouraging, and building up what IS happening?

Notice what he is doing and praise him, just as you would like to be praised, and prayerfully, you’ll  both catch on to the new. 

3. You like your way better than you like him leading.  You like the “idea” of him leading, but when it comes down to it, you don’t want to follow.

You feel “safe” when you are in charge.  By handing over the reigns, you don’t know the outcomes, and you feel uncertain and scared.

Your marriage won’t change until you change your marriage.

5. You have practiced leading for so long – you don’t know how to stop yourself.  Patterns are established over decades.  While creating new patterns, things may fall apart before they get better.  But until he gets to come through as the leader, these new patterns will not develop.

If it’s the laundry you want help with, are you willing to see the clothes hung a different way?

If it’s the kids you want help with, are you willing to let go of your timelines, and your structures, and your bedtimes?

If it’s Spiritual leadership you want, are you willing to remind him gently, to pray together, to speak truth to the kids – and set him up to win?

It’s our daily choices that lead to the development of new and healthy patterns.

Choose.

Daily.

To let go of your way.

Letting go of how it’s “supposed to be” will free you up to receive the leadership your husband desires to give you.

WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU ADD TO THIS LIST?  HOW HAVE YOU LEARNED TO LET GO OF THE LEADERSHIP ROLE?

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Be Bright – There’s No Dimmer Switch on His Light, Jenny Price

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The Sky’s the Limit.

Or is it?

There are no limits – except the ones we make up.

There is no dimmer that can be placed on His glorious light.

D.L. Moody said , “The world has yet to see what God will do WITH and FOR and THROUGH and IN and BY the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him”.

How bright is your life?

Are you expecting God to show up and demonstrate what only He can?

When I get overwhelmed, and tired, and weary of being bright, He reminds me -

“Jenny, there are no limits.  Live like that!”

In marriage, I want to scream loud and proud that marriage is worth the work –  it’s our legacy.  It matters.  I want the message of my love for my husband to be severely bright in a dark world of wrecked marriages and heavy heartaches.

In motherhood, with each of my five kids, I want to be an example – sincere and struggling every day to say - God is enough for every failure and all our shame. I want my son to know, when he comes to me with his mistakes, that my Jesus is Bright – and His light shines over our dark failures.

In ministry, as a pastor’s family, we know God is limitless and that He is leading Covenant Fellowship to shine brighter in our community and in our world.  And it’s scary, exhausting, and overwhelming. And there are days, we havent’ a clue because the needs are so much bigger than we are.  So we trust. Because it’s His Bright Light we carry.  Not ours.

In believing God for more – I am relying on His power to continue boldly telling my story.  As Tammy and I wait for our book, “Inseparable”, to be discovered by the right publisher, we believe in what we cannot see. We know that it’s His story within us that makes the world brighter.  So, we trust Him, and hold onto the good work He started.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.     2 Corinthians 9:8

Mark Batterson, author of “The Circle Maker” says:

I’ve always felt like I’m in over my head. 

But that’s when God has you right where He wants you. 

Why? 

Because it forces you to live in raw dependency upon God and raw dependency is the raw material out of which God does His greatest miracles.

If you feel like you are equal to the task then your task isn’t big enough!

When we only swim in the shallow end, we don’t need His Light or His power.  We’re fine on our own.

But when we jump in the deep water, we get scared and realize – we do need His Light.

Deep water faith requires our Deep Water God to show up.  

Live like that!  Get your Light on and Swim!

Where in your life are you needing God and His Light to carry you?  What dream are you seeing as your deep water swim?

Share in COMMENTS below.  I commit to pray over your shares! 

Sex is Safe, Jenny Price

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My friend shared her heart with me.

And when she did, I realized, her heart, was so familiar – broken, wounded, shattered – crushed and bruised by selfish (sexual) desires.

She didn’t even know she’d been “abused”.  She thought it was normal. 

Her first boyfriend (when she was only 13) made her have sex with him, and did not stop there.

He also made her have sex with multiple family members, male and female, and on and on they went.

She was part of this very vicious cycle for years.  This was her first encounter with sex.  Absolutely unsafe, harm on every end.

THIS wasn’t abuse?  I know I was abused, and my abuse was ONLY one time.

This was years for my friend – years of wreckage and imprisonment.

And she perceived this as “all right” as “okay” as “acceptable”?

It felt like she was loved, right?  She felt like she mattered – even if it was just for her body.

Any (and all) sex outside of marriage is NOT SAFE.

So many women (and men) have suffered at the hands of selfish, cruel, sex-driven mongers.  (Mongers for whom Christ died – yes, but still, messed up people – people likely who had something similar or worse done to them).

I too suffered.  It was brief.  It did not last for years like my friend’s abuse. He earned my trust over that 6 month time period.  He made me feel special.  Even gave my own nickname.  I was a freshman and he was a senior.

After gaining my trust, my abuser made his move.  Brief – yes.  And yet it lasted forever.

The actual abuse / sexual encounter was minutes, and yet, it followed me for over 14 years, until I would birth my first child.  The same year my son was born, I did Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free”, and I did…

I broke free from the bondage of that abuse, out of my sexual prison.

I want the same for my friend.  I want her to see.  I want all of you to see – any of you carrying around your wounds.

She no longer has to call THAT normal and all right.  She can have SAFE, beautiful, lovely, honoring sex with her husband one day.

And she will – and she will heal. 

After she walks into the darkness – boldly carrying her light. 

Not until she accepts the healing hands of Jesus all over her broken heart. 

For the first 7 years of marriage, sex was fine.  It just kind of was.  In spite of my husband’s great love for my heart – I was shielded and I was keeping him away –  my heartache, and my secrets, and my shame – I built walls in our unity.

Seven years into our marriage, I finally shared my abuse with him.  I told him that I think I finally remembered it because here we are – PARENTS – and we are the ones protecting our kids now.

It’s crazy what comes up from our past, when our kids come into our future.  We remember what we once forgot, so that we won’t forget for them what we most need to remember.

I told my husband my painful story.  His heart ministered immediate grace. 

He hated that I had suffered alone for years of our marriage.  He tenderly showed me how safe his arms were – over and over – how absolutely different it is to be loved, and held, and honored in a sexual relationship.  He’d already shown me this, and yet, NOW, I was able to receive the gift of safety.

He helped me heal from the sexual encounter – to stop seeing the face of that “man” – instead, to see the face of my husband and to know the heart of Christ within our sexual relationship.

Sex is SAFE.  Being one with my spouse is SAFE.

It is close, and intimate, and bonding.  It is a gift that God gave.

AND… It is work.  It is daily.  It is commitment.  And it is worth it.

What I know NOW is this:  Sex within the safety of God’s heart and within His intention is pure, holy, and clean.  I wish I would have known that as a 20-year-old woman.  Those first 7 years were not wasted.  They led me to my healing.

What I know NOW is:

Sex is SAFE.

COMMENTS: How has your past shaped your future?  What are you willing to break free from in order to see God as the God of more, better, and best?

i coach at www.everydaylifeline.com

i blog at www.iwokeupyesterday.com

HEALING FROM sexual abuse?  Dan Allender’s book, The Wounded Heart

http://www.amazon.com/Wounded-Heart-Victims-Childhood-Sexual/dp/1600063071

EDUCATING others about sexual abuse: Darkness to Light

http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6035035/k.8258/Prevent_Child_Sexual_Abuse.htm

21 Powerful Tools to Strengthen Your Marriage, Jenny Price

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I woke up early the other day to find my husband, in the kitchen, buried in organization mode.  He hadn’t slept well, and had been up since 4am, busying himself with our family clutter.

He said he found 25 half-used bags of chips and crackers.  Then he said, “We really need to create some systems for organization that we can all keep up with.”

And I said, “Okay, I have a running group in ten minutes, so I’ll let you know what those systems are when I get back.”

The old me, would have said all kinds of crazy stuff to myself.

“He thinks I stink at homemaking.”

“I’m a horrible mom.  I can’t even keep track of my crackers!”

“I can’t do anything right!”

The new me was awake enough to take over.  Thank you God!

“Maybe things feel out of control, so, he wants to tackle some of our kitchen cabinets and see life as less chaotic.”

“He’s not judging me.  He’s serving our family.  How blessed I am.”

“I can support Matt in this.  It does feel nice to have ‘systems’ in place – even though they are hard to keep track of with five kids in the house.”

I chose to not let this ruin my day AND I chose to humbly accept that this is where my husband was, and it was okay.

Marriage is sand paper.  It rubs my rough edges smooth.

Marriage is character building. It creates an awareness in me of my junk – a daily, moment by moment revealing.

Marriage is madness and joy and passion and pain all wrapped in one.

Does it have to be so painful – so disconnected – so full of loss?

Or might our acceptance of the growth God intends to bring us – via our spouse, and our intertwined lives – bring us each a renewed perspective?

Today, I celebrate 21 years of marriage to my husband, Matt.  We have not always had the relationship we have today.  But ever since we did a year of counseling, at our ten year mark, we have improved, every year, on making our marriage better.  Today, I can say I have a #10 relationship with my husband.  And I’m going for a #12 next anniversary!  And the more time I spend counseling and coaching women, the more I know this to be a rare gem.  I don’t have all the answers, but I want to share what I know has supported us in creating a #10 marriage.

How did we get here?

  Here are 21 Powerful Tools to Strengthen Your Marriage.

They’re only powerful when you choose to depend on Someone far bigger than you – the Maker of Marriage.

1. Get over yourself.  Over and over and over again.

2. Apologize first and fast.  Make it a contest.

3. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt – the same thing you want when things are going down.

4. Communicate – even when you don’t want to.  But not at 11pm, right before bed.

5. Have sex.  Often.  Not once every 3 months.  That’s a set up for both of you to fail.

6. Talk about your sex life.  To EACH other.  Not to everyone else.  Talk during sex.  You’re allowed.  You have a license and everything.

7. Pray together.  Maybe that should have come before sex?  Pray for each other – especially when you’re seeing things negatively.  (It’s impossible to be talking to God and be IN your resentments at the same time.)

8. Praise one another.  Out loud.  In front of everyone.  Especially in front of your kids and your in-laws.

9. Have fun.  Play.  If he likes tennis, play tennis.  If she likes photography, look at her pictures.

10. Go on dates.  Be intentional about PREscheduling these.  Dates will NOT just happen into your busy life.

11.  Be accountable.  To each other.  And to other people – keep growing in Christ, and intentionally work on your marriage.

12.  Admit your selfishness.  Say, “I’m frustrated, because I’m not getting what I want here.”  This is the truth, so say it, and move past it faster.

13.  Apologize AGAIN. This one you will do more than you want to and more than you want to admit.  Do it anyways.

14.  When you apologize, don’t just say, “I’m sorry”.  Seek forgiveness and restoration by admitting your wrong, and asking, “Will you forgive me?”

15. Be affectionate.  In front of your kids. Even if it seems to make them uncomfortable.  It’s a healthy gift of security that you can give them.

15.  Laugh together.  Laugh at yourself.  Keep it light.  Remember how you used to laugh?  Go there!

16.  Believe in each others’ dreams.  My husband told me I was a ‘rockstar’ the other day.

17.  Provide a refuge for one another in your home.  Ask each other often – “How can I best support you right now?”

18.  Live with the mindset that this is forever.  Because it is.  Not just the marriage part, but the legacy part.  Build your forever legacy – today.

19.  Take vacation.  As a family.  Do the trip you’ve always wanted to do.  And go on trips JUST the two of you.  Even if it’s a long weekend.  Connect.  Be together, just you.  Tell your kids – “We love you.  And we love each other even more!”

20.  Have a mentor couple in your life.  Let them know how things REALLY are and let them encourage you to bigger and better.

21.  Be honest.  With each other.  With a counselor.  Get help before it’s really bad.  If we hadn’t, I’m fairly certain I would not be writing this post.  Every marriage can get better.  So, humble yourself.  And get support.  And do it – Yesterday!

August 3, 1991

Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Patrick

COMMENTS are Welcome!

What is your greatest joy in marriage? 

What is your biggest struggle? 

I would love to know how to support and pray for you.

Happy Anniversary honey!  Thank you for working at our marriage and for growing with me!  I am grateful beyond understanding for the gift we share in our marriage.  Alll Glory to God who made us.  Without Him, it would be hopeless.

From Satan’s Slippery Slope to God’s Graceful Grip, Part 2. (Anonymous)

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This is a guest post from an amazing, God-fearing woman, who found herself in a place she never imagined.

Thank you for returning to hear the rest of my story. I could fill pages with what’s in my heart, and maybe one day I will do just that. For now, I am trying to break it down simply for one blog. Last time, I told you about how I continuously fell to the sin of sexual addictions and wanting the love and attention from someone other than my husband. Today I want to share how God gripped me.

It continues to be a painful element to share…however, God is doing huge things in my heart and I pray that somehow these can be used for His glory. It is only by His grace that I can sit and share these things at all.

Calling me out of my sin

Back up to February 2012, I was not engaging in continual sexual or physical behaviors.  However, I was still talking about them with the man I’d engaged in physical activity. Also, we were still definitely flirting and crossing lines. There was a weekend that my children were out of the house and my husband was at work. Of course, in my heart, I had silly plans of spending time with that man. However, God had other plans and intervened for me to spend time with Him – REAL time.  This is when He really gripped my heart.

This man told countless lies to get out of spending time together.  I could sense them being lies, though he wasn’t admitting it.  I literally fell on the floor and wept after basically begging this man to spend time with me. How pathetic could I possibly get? When I realized what was happening, I said to myself, “What am I doing?”  I fell on my knees and wept. I wept because I was heartbroken and lonely (More lonely, I’ll add, then when I’d started talking to this man, thinking he could fill the spots my husband was leaving empty). I wept because I knew I was sinning. I wept because then and there God gripped me and said,

“Please stop, I love you!!! What more could you really want?”

I heard His voice louder than I had in a long time.   It had been a long time.  I’d been sinning in my heart for so long–thinking of other men when I was with my husband; engaging in conversations not meant to be had; pushing God off telling Him essentially He wasn’t good enough to fill me;  And bottom line is this-sin separates me from God.  Also my sin was separating me from my husband. Things hadn’t been good for a while and I certainly wasn’t helping.

Heart of the confession

After that night, I repented before God for all I’d done.  I wanted to turn my ways, but I was still in a huge battle.  I didn’t think I could tell my husband. I thought it would make things worse. Our marriage had some pieces that got better, but those secrets were larger barriers than I could ever know. I could share for pages as to how things all unfolded, but I will get to the point.

At the end of April, I told my husband everything. It came out a little at first. Once I told him, I called my pastor and his wife to share with them.  Next, I chose to tell all the family. Not because he asked me to but because I needed to.  I needed to seek forgiveness from a lot of people. I did not share details with anyone but my husband but I asked the family to forgive my wrongs and for them to  pray for our marriage. In all of this, I never said any of my husband’s wrongs. To be honest, in human eyes, my wrongs were so much greater, that was all anyone saw or heard anyway.  This is still a struggle today leaving this up to God but this isn’t about my husband, it’s about me.

Sharing with his parents and then with my father were the hardest things I ‘d ever done. I cried. The week I told my husband, little details came out all week-long.  Then on Thursday, all details had come out.  It was so painful.  Seeing the pain in his eyes was the worst hurt I’d ever seen (and I’ve seen my share).

My heart was broken and yet, as broken as my heart was, it was also more whole than it had been in a long time.

Feeling whole again

Why, do you ask did I feel whole again? Because God was filling the holes I’d been giving to other men or asking my husband to fill. He was there waiting for me all along. I know this because as soon as I sat before Him and asked Him to forgive me, I was washed with His peace. He was just waiting.

You may wonder what has happened since early this year.  Let me share briefly (again…this could last pages). My husband embraced me and said he forgave me.  Forgiveness does not come without pain, without work and without looking at each new day as a fresh one with God’s new mercies. My husband is choosing to stay with me and I am choosing to stay with him. We are in counseling together and I’m seeking help through some godly women.  I choose to tell me story so I can help other women not walk into these same mistakes.  I choose to work every day on forgiving myself.

I have to still fight the thoughts at times of feeling unwanted and fighting that initial battle of looking for filling words from a man. I battle these thoughts by repeating to myself all the time,   “I am washed in His grace. I have been redeemed. I can do this.” God, and God alone, gives me the strength to fight the battle. And WIN!!!!!  I choose to continually seek Him daily.

One last thing I want to leave with you is the following verses that I am working on memorizing.

James 4: 4-10, THe Message version.

” You’re cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn’t care? The proverb has it that “He’s a fiercely jealous lover” and what He gives in love is far better than anything else you’ll find. It’s common knowledge that God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.” So let God work His will in you .Yell a loud no to the devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and He’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious. really serious. Get down on your knees before the master, it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.”

 

Please refer to these two resources for more information on this subject.

Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment (The Every Man Series)Your Scars Are Beautiful to God: Finding Peace and Purpose in the Hurts of Your Past

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From Satan’s Slippery Slope to God’s Graceful Grip, Part 1. (Anonymous)

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This is a guest post from an amazing, God-fearing woman, who found herself in a place she never imagined.

I want to begin sharing a story with you that is very painful for me, but one I pray God can use. I am choosing to remain anonymous due to the fresh pain I feel and because my story involves my husband and he is not ready to share the story yet.

Please bear with me as I share how I fell down Satan’s slippery slope. As you read this, I will be praying for each reader. I pray my story can help you stay away from this not so much talked about problem.

That problem is sexual sin for women.

So often we hear about how men get trapped in pornography. extra-marital affairs or sexual lust. I sit before you to tell you it can happen to you women, too. It happened to me, and I never believed it could. This issue is so often ignored in the Christian community which is why I choose to share my story.

I was raised in a beautiful Christian home. I had a wonderful childhood, and amazing parents. I had no complaints. I’d never dabbled in sex or even much dating until I met my husband. We married and he was the only man I’d ever been with or even kissed.

Unfortunately, that changed 2 years ago.

I cry as I sit and write this. Finding the right words are so difficult. Let me take you on my journey, and I hope you can learn from my mistakes and keep away from the same slippery slope.

I felt alone. I felt unloved and unwanted. I began to believe the lies Satan spewed at me…”You’ll never be good enough.  You’re not pretty enough.  Another man could certainly appreciate you more.  He’ll never say things to you the way you want to hear them, the way you deserve them….” So the lies grew in my heart and my mind. It was a very slow fade that started in large part with my insecurities.

I was still holding onto God, but loosely. Little by little, I began to listen to the world, and Satan’s lies. I began to let go of the loose grip I had on God. One man entered the picture.

Thus began my first affair. This man lathered me with kind words. He smiled at me. He made me laugh. He listened to my ideas and supported my endeavors. I refer to this as an emotional affair. There was no type of physical contact whatsoever-not even a hug.

However, I spent hours talking with this man when my husband was not around. He became my best friend instead of my husband, and we shared intimate conversations. He wanted me. He enjoyed me. He appreciated me.  I fell into a lie and a trap. I didn’t realize I was in it.

Here are some of the lies I told myself:

Lie 1- “We’re just talking.” Don’t be fooled by this statement!!! There are many things you are only supposed to discuss with your spouse, like sex and heart issues.

Lie 2-”It’s not wrong to think about another man, I’m not acting on it.” What a lie. These thoughts began to take root as an action in my heart and life, and it played a devastating part in my own life and marriage.

The Bible tells us that “As a man thinks in his heart, so his words will be….” The things I said to this man and the thoughts I had (and kept to myself) were sin. I began slowly wishing my husband was more. The comparison game began, and my husband never measured up. Do you know why? IT WASN’T REALITY!!  But even more so…BECAUSE IT WAS SIN!!!!!

My husband discovered the emotional affair and we had our blows about it.  Then, we went to counseling. But as we got better, we quit going. I was unwilling to give up hugging other men. I thought it was my right and that I could determine who was safe or wasn’t. I was unwilling to give up male friends on Facebook because I thought my husband was being controlling. Slowly but surely, this sin crept back into my life.

Lie 3 -”If it’s not sex, it’s not wrong.” The Bible tells us even our thoughts are impure, so when physical contact happened with another man (not the same man as the first) I justified it.   In my mind, it wasn’t as bad as having sexual intercourse. A kiss is cheating. Sex is cheating. A thought is cheating. I know this may sound crazy to some of you (trust me, I said that it was crazy too once) but it is so true!

Every step you take toward a man who is not your spouse is creating a barrier in your marriage. Worse, it’s creating a barrier between you and God.

My sins spiraled out of control and I found myself in the worst place ever.  I added a physical element to the affair and I was in a fog. I couldn’t see God. I had no idea who I was becoming. I made horrible choices that impacted so many people. I gave in to my sexual desire. I lost my dignity and integrity by giving into temptation.

This affair happened in December. In early February, God gripped me and I fell on the floor weeping, confessing my sins.

Be careful who you let in your life. A dangerous man knows how to slither his way in. Be on guard. Trust is a gift to be given and not misplaced.  As a married woman, it should never be given away to another man.  Surround yourself with godly women.

Don’t be ashamed to share your story. Pray. Be vulnerable with a trusted godly woman.  Allow God to be your first love.  He wants me in love with Him even more than I love anyone. Then, I can experience true love with my spouse.

Sexual temptation begins in the mind, then goes to the heart and flows out in our actions. Put measures in place to protect your heart and mind. For example: Stay away from chat rooms; don’t hug men; don’t intimately share your life with a man.

I ask you to stay tuned for Part 2 where I will share about how God’s amazing grace has totally gripped me.

5 Must Reads in the Morning, by Michelle D. Howe

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How do you start your day?  Do you read the newspaper or listen to the news?  Do you read a daily devotional or take in a few blogs?

 

Before I started writing on our blog about a year ago, I had barely read or subscribed to a blog.  I knew they existed but wasn’t really involved in reading them until I suddenly needed to figure this new medium of communication.

Today, I’m subscribed to about 5 different blogs that offer information from leadership to marriage and from Christian culture to writing tips and tricks.

So here are my 5 must reads that are delivered to my email daily.  Consider subscribing to one of them or all of them.  Don’t forget to subscribe to the blog you are reading right now too, iwokeupyesterday.com :-)

  1. Profile PictureLifetime Guarantee is a devotional blog I read the first thing in the morning.  This amazing ministry is the work of Bill and Anabel Gillham.  Both Bill and Anabel are now in the presence of Jesus and yet God continues to use their lives to bring the message of living by grace to His people.

  2. iMom is an awesome, valuable blog offering tips for moms in all areas of life.  I have used the free printables they offered during the holiday season for encouraging notes in my daughters lunch boxes.

    iMOM

  3.  Michael Hyatt, Intentional Leadership has to be my most favorite blogs I read in the morning.  He speaks my language.  Beside being the Ceo at Thomas Nelson Publishers, he is a Christian that knows how to develop teams that work, encourage others into their greatness and share his insights on what works in creating a following in the social media world.  You definitely don’t want to miss a day of his postings.

  4. Dan Rockwell the Leadership Freak  is another one of my must reads in the morning.  His blog has been recognized many times as one of the best on leadership.  Dan is known for sharing his insights on leadership in less than 300 words.  It is a quick read and to the point.  Highly recommended for anyone leading a team of people whether at a business, non-profit, or church organization. 

  5. Seth Godin’s blog speaks to the marketing world.  With a communication and marketing degree, this is right up my alley.  I enjoy reading his short entries that attempt to interpret the world around us.  His quick wit writing will grab you in and make you read it about a dozen times to really understand where he’s coming from.  I feel really smart just reading it.  :-)

What are you filling yourself up with daily?  Do you have a favorite blog or do you write one?  I want to know about it.  Please share in the comments.  A few other blogs I love is Jon Acuff’s blog “Stuff Christians Like, Jeff Goins, writer extraordinaire and A Holy Experience with Ann Voscamp.  All must reads!!!

Enjoy checking these out and share your favs with us too in the comments.  Many Blessings, Michelle :-) 1Cor. 6:19

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