Category Archives: INSEPARABLE: One Heart, Two Bodies, Infinite Grace

A letter to my teenage self (Tammy Bolt Werthem)

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Tammy and Sara

Tammy and Sara

To my 16 year old self:

You are beautiful and popular, yet you struggle daily with feelings of insecurity.

You are a flirt and fickle and you just want to be loved. Your search for acceptance leads you looking for love in all the wrong places.

You will have a boyfriend soon, who will give you a glimpse of really being loved for who you are.  He is one of the great ones.

You will run from him and keep chasing the bad boys.  You have a drinking problem.  No one really knows the magnitude of it.

Keeping secrets will become second nature to you.

It has to be so hard, living a double life.  Your mind says you are a failure and that you will never measure up.  So, why bother.

Intellectually, you grasp the depths of Gods’ love for you, but you fail to allow Him into your heart.

Comparison is the thief of all joy!  I wish you could understand that you are unique and special and there is no one quite like you.

There will come a day when you are finally comfortable in your skin.

Quit measuring yourself against your sister.  You two are very different people.  Even though you are twins, your sameness stops at your physical attributes.

Your love affair with alcohol is in the honeymoon phase, glamorous and fun.  It gets worse before it gets better.  You have moments of sobriety and clarity and then you fall back into the pattern of blacking out.  You believe you are invincible.

Your story is just beginning to unfold.  There will be more pain and suffering, a lot of it self-inflicted.  You will suffer shame and regret.

You will share your  heartache and hurt one day, so that others will be free.  It may be painful now and your struggle is real.  Please know that God does not waste a hurt.

I believe in you and I trust that God is going to redeem you.

From the Older and Wiser you at 41

Isaiah 54: 4-7

4“Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;  be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth,  and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.  5 For your Maker is your husband,   the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,    the God of the whole earth he is called. 6 For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off,  says your God. 7 For a brief moment I deserted you,   but with great compassion I will gather you.

WE would love it if you joined our Facebook Community!

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Click on our names to go to our Twitter Pages:

JENNY

TAMMY

MICHELLE

“Inseparable” – Shared Rooms, Jenny Price

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twins, toddlerWe tell you to write your story.  Because it needs to be told.  It’s able to be used by God.  That’s why we write our story.

new excerpt from “INSEPARABLE”:

We’d always shared a room.  Ever since the womb.

Small, tight, woven together – and never apart.  Two lives tangled tightly.

From birth to two years, we shared the crib – developed our own language, chattered wildly at each other, and when we slept, we held hands and kept each other close.

From age 2-14 we shared our room – our clothes, our friends, our family, our arguments, our homework, and sometimes our beds – and many of our memories.  But not all of them.

At age 14, instead of sharing our dreams, we started sharing secrets – big ones – the kind no one talks about – because you can’t – even when you can.  We acted like we didn’t know.  Or see.  Or hear.

Secrets. Cascading. Deadening. Deafening.

Age 14-18, we separated rooms (our brother graduated and left for college) - the secrets and now the separation creating distance and disconnect.

Upon graduation from high school, we went to different colleges, and continued, deliberately, living separate, yet connected lives.  We still knew each other, but not nearly what we shared in our earliest years.

Choices change us.

Secrets keep us stuck.

Until we tell them.  Or share them.  Or stop shaming ourselves with them.

At age 20, one of my choices was marriage and one of her’s was cocaine.

Thus began the journey of patterns - tides rolled in and out from age 20-34.  Some years were “good” and others, my tangled twin would travel far away.

Among these 14 years, Tammy and I shared rooms again – four different times.  She lived with my family, sharing months at a time, her wellness, and her desired growth.

But when she chose the destruction again, my husband and I had to kick her out – we had to tell her to go find another room.

But the last time she shared a room with me, the times she allowed freedom to win, the next room she would have, would be her very own - shared with her husband.

She chose health.

Healing.

Hope.

It was a long road.   Wrecked with fallen trees.  Crashing moments.  But the whole time – there was still a Steady Breeze.

A Hope Unending that held her still.  Even when I, her twin, the one who shared from beginning to end – I no longer could hold her.

I got to trust the Only One Who Could.

With her life.

With mine.

All our shared moments, and rooms, and memories.

Today.

Together.

We share our kids.  Our hubbies love each other. We share family.  Child rearing. Park going. Summer swimming.

We shared a room this weekend as coaches. Leading others to see God’s best – rather than all the reasons why they ‘can’t’.

We share a room of worship – we attend church together, do ministry alongside one another, serve Christ together.

Still – holding hands – lifting them together to The One Who Wove us together in the first place.  

Are you looking for a Mastermind – writing group? A group around any of your personal or professional goals?  Please look at our link for more information: http://everydaylifeline.com/services/mastermind-groups/

What is a piece of your story you want to tell?  And what is your why for telling it?  COMMENTS welcomed…

Top 12 Posts of 2012

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Tammy, Michelle and Jenny after the race

Tammy, Michelle and Jenny after the race

In honor of the end of the year approaching, we thought we would share our Top 12 posts of 2012.

Thanks to our awesome community of friends and family who continue to support us in our dreams to make a difference.  We are so incredibly grateful for your love and friendship.

To read the posts listed below, click on the title and it will open in a new page.

If one of these posts is helpful to you, won’t you please pass it on to a friend!

Inseparable-The Worst High School Reunion Ever

Inseparable: The Secret that Kept me Stuck

10 Questions a Husband Should Ask His Wife Every Year

21 Powerful Tools to Strengthen Your Marriage

My Letter to their Birth Mother

Inseparable- One Heart, Two Bodies, Infinite Grace

5 Reasons to Let “IT” Go

Inseparable-September 11, 2001, The Morning of Destruction

How I Released 20 Pounds

Divine Appointments Don’t Always Feel Divine

Hide it Under a Bushel? No!

WE would love it if you joined our Facebook Community!

You can do so by clicking HERE: Facebook Page

AND we’d love to have you follow us on Twitter?

Click on our names to go to our Twitter Pages:

JENNY

TAMMY

MICHELLE

“Inseparable” – Secrets Unburied, Jenny Price

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I didn’t know my grandpa was an alcoholic – not until I was a check out girl at Publix.

That sour stench, when we hugged Papa Ray “goodbye”, was the same stink that the men coming through my line put out – as they placed their 12-packs down.

Sour and strong - pores spewing alcohol – exactly what he smelled like – all the time I knew him.

Our dad never told us how bad it was for him as a kid – not the whole story.

  His parents “did the best they could” – I guess that’s what we all do really.

But their “best” was destructive, abusive, and full of expectations that daily crushed his spirit.

The night after my dad passed away (age 54 of colon cancer), I read his autobiography.  He’d been working on it almost a full year, knowing his health was at great risk.

He wrote his story.  For us.  For you.

His truth helped me know – there are roots of addiction and mental illness in my family.

Knowing more of my dad’s past, helped me know more of my potential future.

Every single time I drank (in college) I got drunk.

It was when I blacked out that at an Auburn/FSU football game that I figured – this may not be “my thing”.

The black out and the good friend that drove me home the next day - ”Really, is this what you want to do with your life?” – this helped me decide – I would never touch alcohol again.

My dad was bi-polar as well. I am confident both of his parents battled mental illness too.  So, it’s no surprise, that my Dad’s kids would battle depressive disorders as well.

I did.

Depression.  Anxiety.  Anger beyond the norm.  To the point I needed “treatment”.

As a mom, there are fears that could run deep – that the secrets could whisper very loudly – YOUR kids are next:

Your kids could be alcoholics.

Your kids will struggle with addiction.

Your kids will be mentally ill too. 

Your kids are gonna mess up just like you did.

And I refuse to listen, and yet, in wisdom, I teach my kids, the parts I can for now.  Their past – even from my grandpa – pieces of their life unfolded before they ever have to face them.

The secrets unburied are no longer secrets.

They are revelations that don’t have to become our realities.

They are information to learn from – history to hear about – and new stories to write.

I don’t live in fear.  I live in the confidence, that HE who began the good work in me, will be faithful to complete it – and to do the same in each of my five children – and on, and on, and on.

I appreciate your COMMENTS:

What secrets are you willing to share with your kids (friends, yourself) today - to prevent potential destruction tomorrow? 

Inseparable: I Loved Being the Baby (Tammy Bolt Werthem)

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my baby boy, Trevor Ray

I am the baby in my family by three minutes. In addition to a twin sister, I have two older brothers. I sucked my thumb until I was in middle school.  I stopped when I realized I was the only one with this habit at a slumber party.

Soon after, I discovered a new habit, the bottle.  The bottle I speak of almost destroyed me.  This bottle was full of poison.  Alcohol is poison to someone with a family history of alcoholism.

Wikepedia.org describes the disease concept of alcoholism:

Those with a family history of alcoholism are more likely to develop it themselves; however, many individuals have developed alcoholism without a family history of the disease. Since the consumption of alcohol is necessary to develop alcoholism, the availability of and attitudes towards alcohol in an individual’s environment affect their likelihood of developing the disease. Current evidence indicates that in both men and women, alcoholism is 50–60% genetically determined, leaving 40-50% for environmental influences.

So, according to these facts, I had a 100% chance of becoming an alcoholic. I remember taking sips of alcohol from my dad and grandfather’s drinks as a young girl.  We celebrated Christmas Eve with boilermakers and steamed oysters on the back porch.  Jesus was there too, he just took the back seat to the party.  Why my dad let me have a taste of his drink still baffles me.  His dad was a drunk, he should have known better.

I was my daddy’s girl.  I wanted to be wherever he was and do what he was doing.  If this included sneaking shots of Crown Royal, so be it. I cherished my role as baby in the family and I used this role to manipulate and hurt the ones I loved.  I had my dad wrapped around my finger and he became one of my best enablers.

Being the baby had its perks.  I could get away with far more than my other siblings.  I could get by on being cute and funny.  I did not have to strive for good grades and other successes.  I got a lot of attention, sometimes the wrong kind of attention.

Being a baby stops being cute when you are in your twenties.  I remember the day I came home after a binge, hoping that my parents would rescue me, just one more time.  Instead, my dad shut the door in my face.  I will never forget that moment. It was a defining moment.  I was not his baby anymore.  It was time to grow up.

Stay tuned for more posts about “Inseparable” as we get close to sending our book proposal next week.  We are very excited.

To read older posts about Inseparable, scroll to the bottom of the web page.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, I would love to support you. 

Please email me at tammy@everydaylifeline.com

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The Best of “Inseparable”

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Today, we are sharing excerpts from our upcoming book titled: Inseparable.  If our story has helped you in any way, we ask that you share.

This story does not belong to us, it is all His and being told to bring Him glory.

http://iwokeupyesterday.com/2012/02/27/inseparable-one-heart-two-bodies-infinite-grace-jenny-price/

My sister’s life, and her choices, profoundly shaped much of my security in Christ.  There were months, even years, that we were unable to be close, unable to connect on any level, because of where our lives were at those points.  There were times I had lost my twin.  Even times that I hated my own voice, because I was so angry at the pain she was inflicting on herself, and on us, her family.

Tough love.  Rescue missions – the kind where I couldn’t go in and make it all better.  The kind where instead, I chose to say, “No more. I will no longer be a party to your death.  Please stay away from my family until you have been sober for 6 or more months.”  These are not words, that one human can easily speak.  Particularly, one identical twin to another, yet, these were words that had to be spoken, for Grace to Prevail.

I am my sister’s keeper.  I carry her in my heart.  I breathe her story.  I and she are one heartbeat, two bodies, and we are privileged to share in His infinite grace and His divine completion of each of our stories.

Her story and My story – they are shared, and they will be used to lead others to hope, healing, hearts open to His vast, infinite, outpouring of love and grace into our broken lives.

http://iwokeupyesterday.com/2012/02/29/inseparable-the-worst-high-school-reunion-ever-jenny-price/

There was no gentle in this for me.  It didn’t feel like a place in any way.  It felt like Hell.  I not only carried my pain into those four walls, but I walked in there with my parents – two broken-hearted, defeated, tired parents.  Parents who loved their kids, and never signed up for this.  Parents who had no idea what else to do.

I carried so much pain.  And when I saw her – my twin – My Tammy – I carried her pain too.  It was more than I could bear, and much more than she could carry.

I wish I could use words to accurately describe who I saw, what I saw, what I felt, what I imagined my parents to be feeling, and what She, the patient that had been “placed” in this desperately awful place – what was she feeling? And what was she seeing?  Did she even know we were there for her?

http://iwokeupyesterday.com/2012/06/07/inseparable-the-secret-that-kept-me-stuck-by-tammy-bolt-werthem/

Because I persevered and walked through my healing, I was able to let God in to that dark hole that had become my heart.  I was finally free and I knew that God forgave me.  He was always there, ready to forgive, but I was unable to receive it.  I finally allowed His redemptive love to cleanse me in the deepest places of my hurt.

I have been clean and sober for more than 7 years.  In those seven years of walking with God and trusting Him again, he has restored my dreams to be a wife and mother.  I married an amazing, godly man in June of 2003.  We have two boys, a four year old and a 5 month old.  I also have a step-daughter, who is eleven years old.

My life is a beautiful canvas of His promise to restore, redeem and rebuild.

Finding my Roar (Tammy Werthem)

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Killarney Forrest, Ireland April 2011

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver.”Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia

We serve a God who is full of exciting and limitless possibilities.  We are made in His image.  So, like Him, we can achieve the impossible. Sometimes, the things we are called to in our lives make us believe God is not safe.  He is asking us to step out in faith and believe what the apostle Paul says in Romans 8:28:

 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,for those who are called according to his purpose.” (ESV)

I began blogging at www.iwokeupyesterday.com over a year ago.  Our blog has grown and touched the lives of a lot of folks. The blog has birthed a Leadership Event and a Life Coaching business.  It really is a dream come true to be a part of something so much bigger than myself.

In addition, the blog has inspired my sister and I to write our life story: Inseparable: One Heart, Two Bodies, Infinite Grace. 

I am more than willing to share my story with others, because I know that it is His story of amazing and powerful redemption.  We are identical twins and our lives took very different turns in our teenage years.  I was lost for many years in an addiction and a destructive lifestyle, which almost destroyed me. I spent many years institutionalized because I was unable to care for myself and make “responsible and adult choices”.

This story going public took a huge leap of faith, because it means telling details that so many never knew. It means reliving some of the most broken and hurtful times in my life, for the sake of others being reached in their hopelessness and despair.

Questions that stir in my heart are: “What will people think of me, if they know the whole truth? Will I be judged for living such a colorful and sinful past? What if my family is upset that I shared too much? What if no one reads it?”

As I write bits of the story, I am finding my roar.  I am releasing the need to feel safe in my newly renewed and restored life.  Word by word, He is healing every broken place of my past life.  He is revealing that this story being written is serving His eternal purposes.

It feels a bit surreal to write our story, as my new life does feel so removed from my past.  I celebrate almost 8 years of victorious and sober living and new life in Christ. I am happily married to an amazing, godly man I met in recovery and we have three amazing children.  We share a beautiful home and live in a supportive Christian community.  My life is a bit of a fairy tale, compared to the pit I used to live in.

I trust Him fully to use our story to touch many lives.  I believe that by pressing in and being brave, many will be blessed. We don’t get to know the outcome or the amount of people who could be impacted.  I do believe though, that even if one life is changed for the better, than telling every piece of my story is worth it.

This post was originally done for my friend Elora Nicole.  You can check out her blog here: http://www.eloranicole.com/2012/07/tammy-of-pits-fairy-tales/

If you liked this post, please SHARE with the Be Social buttons below.  If you need help in finding your Roar, I would love to chat with you.  You can contact me at tammy@everydaylifeline.com
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Inseparable: Born to be Wild (Tammy Bolt Werthem)

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“God did not save you to tame you.” from Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere

I was born to be wild.  My twin was the tame one.  From birth, she was responsible and compliant.  She is three minutes older than me.  I encouraged her be older. I depended on her to keep it together.  I relished the role of youngest child.

Being a twin is both a gift and a curse.  The gift is having a friend for life.  We can finish each others sentences. We feel the others pain. We always have a play mate.  I have a mirror, a reflection of myself and a confidante.  Our children resemble one another too!

The curse comes in the form of comparison.  Parents, friends, siblings and strangers are constantly comparing you.  One twin might not measure up.  Twins get labeled and sometimes those labels stick.  I always felt a little less than.

My inferior feelings led me to wander.  My fears and insecurities became a breeding ground for sin.

I grew up in a Christian home.  My mom followed Jesus with passion and trained her children in His ways. We went to church as a family. I asked Jesus to be my Savior when I was eight.  I read my Bible and went to Sunday School and youth group.

I strayed from this teaching in my teenage years.  I rebelled and became the prodigal daughter. My attitudes and actions broke the hearts of loved ones and left a trail of devastation.  I spent a lot of years sowing my wild oats.

Thankfully, I was saved from a dark and desperate place.  I was running from God and everyone who loved me.

In the midst of my running, God was with me.  He never stopped pursuing me.  He saved me for something bigger than my mind could comprehend.

When I truly surrendered my heart to Christ, He made it very clear that He would use me.  As I grew in my healing and depended more on Him, I was awakened to His call on my life.

You are not your own, you were bought with a price. (1 Corinthians 6:19 and 20)

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

His call on my life was to be wild for Him.  As wild as I had been in my pursuit of worldly pleasures, I would shift this energy and passion into following Him.

There is nothing that I pursue or have more passion about than Jesus.  His love has ransomed me and His truth has been revealed to me.  In the depths of my being, I know that I am His.

I belong.  I am loved and accepted. I am adored. I am wild about Him.  I am wild for Him.

The days of being less than are long gone.  I no longer see my sister as better, more qualified, or having it all together.

As we stand before Jesus, we are equally loved, cherished and cared for.  This is true for each of us, who puts our trust in Him.  His love is not partial and He has no favorites.

He wants the same for all of humanity: RELATIONSHIP with Himself.

Will you put your trust in Him today?  Will you pursue Him with reckless abandon?  Will you be wild for Him so that others may know Him?

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The Everlasting Value of Telling Your Story, Jenny Price

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If He knew us, before He formed us (and He did), don’t you think His plans for us were pretty grand?

Don’t you think the most Creative, Passionate, All Knowing Creator of the Universe had some mind blowing plans for each and every one of His created ones?

Before He made me, He knew me.

He.

He knew.

He knew ME.

He knew YOU. 

Before we were born, He set us apart.

For something dull?  For mediocre?  For less?

Or did He set us apart for thrilling?  For massive?  For abundant?

The God who knew you before you were even formed, before a cell was even developed – He made you for greatness –

for MORE and for purposes of displaying His glory – His glory displayed in Your Everlasting Story.

Creator God, the only One who breathes life into being - He made you.  He made me.  He intended for His glory to be shown in our lives.  In mighty, powerful, “blow the world away” style.

I believe this.  I haven’t always.  But the more I tell my story, the more I see, the more I really get how it shows Him off when I speak His work in my life.

He made me a twin. Identical. In the likeness of Himself AND in the likeness of another one of His glory displayers.

He planned for us to be together - intimately, connected, woven in the womb, for our first months of life.  He knew.

He made us, together, for MORE.

Tammy and I have been sharing our story, to display His glory and to lead others to do the same – to live more freely, because we know, He always knew.

My twin, my other half, the one I have shared my life with since the first second of our conception, to this very moment in time – together, she and I have quite a story.  We matter to Him.

Our past.  Our wounds. Our pain. Our pieces. Our heartache.

Our passions.  Our everything.

Her addiction. My affliction.

Her running.  My cunning.

Her leaving. My cleaving.

Her terminating.  My germinating.

Her tears. My fears.

It all matters to Him, and He will use every single breath -

as we allow Him to do so. 

His glory is not dependent on our story, but in some small way (and maybe even in a big way), our willingness to share, and pour, and be ready – it does have affect on the impact of His glory in our daily lives.

This is why we will tell.  This is why we will write.  This is why we will publish.  This is why we will persist.  To tell our story, for His glory, to change the world, one broken life at a time.

“Inseparable” is the title of our book.  We are unable to be separated.  Our story, as twins, is deeply intertwined.

As I embrace the title, “Inseparable”, each of us, each and every one of us – we are unable to be separated from our stories.

Our stories. His story, within our lives. It’s a part of us.  Deeply rooted.  And insanely usable by Him.

I will share my story.

I will share all the pieces.

Shattered.

Worn.

Broken.

Torn.

Some of the truths within “INSEPARABLE”:

I am in constant, desperate need of clinging to the hope I have in Christ. Heb. 10:23

No other person or life circumstance can determine my measure of hope.

Seeing my sin (rather than another’s) as the offense that it is to God’s best for my life, will lead to greater legacy.

Even when it is darkness beyond darkness, He is with us, and He is for us.

Perfect peace is really perfect. It’s not less than, it’s not “sort of” enough. It’s perfect.

Every person in your life will disappoint you – Except the person of Jesus Christ – He cannot disappoint.

Real life teaches the Bible’s truths, with profound impact and heartfelt recall.

Any time you want to give up, remember, relive, reconnect to the all-consuming truth of the cross.

Blessings and miracles are always possible. Believe them, even when you can’t possibly “see” them as possible.

Live each day as if it was the last day you will get to display His hope and peace to a dying world.

Every story matters, because it is His story – His masterpiece, written on our daily lives and poured out of our broken hearts.

If you have not done so recently, write out some pieces of your story.  Share it with a friend, over coffee.  Share it with a sibling, parent, spouse, or child.

Your story matters.  It is meant to be used for His glory.

What part of your story are you most ready to tell?  What part of your story are you most fearful of others knowing?  Comment below. 

We value your sharing us with others.  Be SOCIAL. Press a share button below.

Unprotected Sexuality (“Inseparable”), Jenny Price

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I know I can’t protect them all the way.  I know they will get hurt.

But…

It’s my job to protect.  It’s my job to preserve. It’s my job.

These little gifts that God has entrusted to me…I get to keep safe, hold sacred, treasure and keep pure their sexuality.

God gave me five gifts.  Innocent, clean, undamaged gifts.  Five children.

Five sexual beings.

Three boys.

Two girls.

I will not allow them to live with Unprotected Sexuality.  I will not be perfect. But I will do my best.

Part of my story and my twin sister’s story, for our book “Inseparable”, will be telling our story of sexual abuse.

We were abused together. 

We trusted our abuser.

We believed we were safe.

So did our family.  My parents knew his family – and trusted this young man.  He was a respectable Christian boy.  I don’t blame anyone except this man, and more than him, I blame the one that harmed him, that harmed HIM, that harmed HIM, and so on.  I give credit where credit is due – this world is broken, and filled with Hurt People.  And Hurt People will hurt people.

And…

We were NOT safe.

And I know I cannot keep damage from being done to my kids, and yet, with fierce, undying tenacity, I WILL DO MY BEST…

and here are some of the practical ways I will do so (and have done so in the last 15 years as a Mom).

(My friend Laura challenged me to write this post.  She said she and a couple other friends have remarked at certain things I have shared as “really unusual, and out of the box, and HELPFUL!”.  So, thank you Laura for your encouragement.  I have a voice.  And I will teach others to use theirs.)

First and foremost, within, above, and all around each and every one of these practices is PRAYER.  Pray for your kids.  They have been entrusted to you.  They are not YOURS.  They are to be protected at all costs by you, but truly, the only One who can keep their hearts in His hands is the One who made them.  Go to Him, often, on your knees, and plead with Him to show you His ways.  “In all your ways, acknowledge Him…”

1. Teach them the truth.  Parts is parts.  A penis is a penis.  It’s not a “pinky” or a “thingy”.  And it’s a vagina.  It’s not a “tutu” or a “pee-pee area”.  Begin with the basics, and let them know it’s safe.  It’s their body.  God designed it.  It’s safe to tell the truth to them, with them, so they will openly tell you the truth later. The more truth, the more openness, the more that IS shared, the less confusion there will be down the road.  They will hear about sex from someone and somewhere, and you are their best place to learn it.  So, speak it, often, and use the resources that are out there.

2. Teach sexual safety.  Your body is a gift from God and it belongs in safe care.  I could go on with this one for about 10 blogs (and I will, one day).  Teach your kids at a young age that there are people out there that want to “hurt” them, or expose them to things, or manipulate them into thinking certain “special” things are okay.  Abusers KNOW their victims.  They gain their trust.  They make their victims feel like THEY are privileged.  Teach your kids that even loving people, even relatives, can cause harm and that is why SECRETS are NOT OKAY – not ever.  One of the biggest things I taught my kids is “YOU HAVE A VOICE” and “If someone tells you to keep a secret, that is not safe.  You tell Mommy or Daddy immediately.”

3. Trust your gut – it’s not a guarantee, but it’s a reaction for a reason, so follow it.  Wouldn’t you rather err on the side of prevention than recovery?  If you feel something is not okay, process it.  Ask your child neutral questions.  If you see something out of the ordinary, respond. Use YOUR voice.

4. Talk openly with others. “This is how we talk at our house.” “My kids know what sexual abuse is, and they will let me know if something is going on that is not appropriate.”  When your child is going to a new friends’ house, talk to the parents, and talk openly about what you are concerned about for your kids and their safety.  If they perceive you as the weirdo, so be it!  Better to protect, then to be free with your kids being exposed to “whatever is out there.”

5. Talk about “what if” and “when” scenarios -

“When I drop you off at play practice, what if your teacher wants to practice with JUST YOU?  What will you say?”

“When you are at school, and another child wants to show you his private parts, and asks you to do the same, what will you do?”

“When kids are showing you porn on their cell phones, how will you respond?”

“When a teacher asks you to walk to their car during lunch break, will you go?”

“When the person in authority tells you that you HAVE to leave with them, what will you say?”  (Do you have a family password that your child knows, so if an emergency comes up, the grown ups that are safe know that password, so they are permitted to go with them?)

6. Teach parameters in the home -

internet protection – K9 guard, and many others like it

TV guards – set the guards and even delete titles that might peak interest for kids, moms, or dads – and this is NOT for your 16 year old boy – it is for your 8 year old boy and girl.  They will be exposed, and you don’t want it to be at YOUR house if you can help it.  HOTELS too!  There is some sick stuff shown on regular programing that your kids could happen onto in a heartbeat.  Unplug it and be free.

cell phones and data plans and You Tube and all the possible connections to sexual exposure!

reading materials – stupid, pointless magazines for “tweens” – if you need to get your kids magazines, get them from Focus on the Family, and your daughters do NOT have to read Twilight just because “everyone” else is

“dodge your eyes” – teach your kids, and it will rub off on the whole family – to dodge their eyes at commercials or at even the woman walking by with the micro shorts on

“protect your marriage” – give them reasons for staying pure, for keeping their eyes, heart, mind and bodies safe - give them God’s reasons.  You aren’t making this stuff up.  The Creator of all good things – sexuality being one fo those good things – He knows best!

movies – plugged in online is my favorite place to check out movies and get all the details of sexual references and every cuss word.  Unless you have a Clear Channel, to clean things up, movies that are PG 13 or higher in rating, must be checked out closely on a site like plugged in – or you will expose your kids and family to trash

My oldest daughter is 14 –  the age I was when I was abused.  I pray, often, that she will be spared.  I pray each of my kids will be on the stats list as the UNabused, as the UNharmed, as the UNattacked.

1 in 4 women. 1 in 6 men.  These WILL be victimized sexually.  I pray mine fall into the other 3/4 and 5/6, and I pray yours do too.  And, the more we know, the more these stats will change.  One day.  One voice at a time.

I will protect their sexuality in a world full of UNprotected sexuality.  I will do my best.  AND, I will trust, that no matter what, my God heals, saves, redeems, restores, and rebuilds what was once lost.  He did it for me.  And my experience led me to type the above words, and to live in a way, that desires to protect, likely in a more aggressive manner than women who are not victims.

How do you protect those you love, regarding their sexuality?  What else can you suggest to help others do the same in being the protectors?  Please share below in comments. 

Also, this issue is huge.  It affects all of us.  Please SHARE with a friend, co-worker, family member – or for that matter, share it with 10 or more people.  This issue must get out.  It is OUR issue.  Choose to Protect – not just yours, but theirs too.