To my 16 year old self:
You are beautiful and popular, yet you struggle daily with feelings of insecurity.
You are a flirt and fickle and you just want to be loved. Your search for acceptance leads you looking for love in all the wrong places.
You will have a boyfriend soon, who will give you a glimpse of really being loved for who you are. He is one of the great ones.
You will run from him and keep chasing the bad boys. You have a drinking problem. No one really knows the magnitude of it.
Keeping secrets will become second nature to you.
It has to be so hard, living a double life. Your mind says you are a failure and that you will never measure up. So, why bother.
Intellectually, you grasp the depths of Gods’ love for you, but you fail to allow Him into your heart.
Comparison is the thief of all joy! I wish you could understand that you are unique and special and there is no one quite like you.
There will come a day when you are finally comfortable in your skin.
Quit measuring yourself against your sister. You two are very different people. Even though you are twins, your sameness stops at your physical attributes.
Your love affair with alcohol is in the honeymoon phase, glamorous and fun. It gets worse before it gets better. You have moments of sobriety and clarity and then you fall back into the pattern of blacking out. You believe you are invincible.
Your story is just beginning to unfold. There will be more pain and suffering, a lot of it self-inflicted. You will suffer shame and regret.
You will share your heartache and hurt one day, so that others will be free. It may be painful now and your struggle is real. Please know that God does not waste a hurt.
I believe in you and I trust that God is going to redeem you.
From the Older and Wiser you at 41
Isaiah 54: 4-7
4“Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. 5 For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. 6 For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God. 7 For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you.
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