This is an excerpt from our book “Inseparable”, our life story as identical twins. We are hoping for a publisher in the near future.
I see your brother every now and then. He lives in my hometown. He smiles like he knows me. I smile back.
I wonder if you still keep your Bible by your gun, near your stash.
I wonder if you still deal that deadly substance. I wonder if you are in prison.
Maybe you are dead.
I don’t ever want to forget my worst moments with you. Memories are a great tool in recovery from substance abuse.
You almost killed me, more than once.
I took more risks with you than Bonnie did with Clyde. I could have spent my life in prison for the errands I ran for you.
My payment was always the drug I craved. No money was ever exchanged.
I was paid in little white pellets, filled with poison, laced with destruction. The drug I refer to is crack cocaine.
“Crack cocaine is the freebase form of cocaine that can be smoked. It may also be termed rock, hard, iron, cavvy, base, or just crack; it is the most addictive form of cocaine. Crack rocks offer a short but intense high to smokers. The name “crack” refers to the sound generated during its manufacture and when smoked.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crack_cocaine
I asked God to help me forget how to find you. When I was getting clean and sober, I moved to a halfway house in the town we had lived. I used to drive by your old place. I had no plan, other than to simply see.
I moved back home in a few short months. I knew this was not a chance encounter that I could afford. There was more to our relationship than a simple exchange program. I gave myself to you in hopes that you might keep me safe.
You saved my life one night. I had smoked too much crack and hadn’t slept in days. I passed out and fell to the ground. My heart was in overdrive.
When I came to, I was covered in cold towels and ice in your apartment.
You were more experienced than me at recognizing an overdose. You knew I was close to cardiac arrest.
My drug use was so excessive that my tolerance was lowered. I smoked for days on end and would sleep very little. There was a lot of hustling involved in maintaining a habit like mine.
You’d almost killed me (multiple times) before with the drugs, and my wide lines of dependence.
But this time, you saved me.
Next month, I celebrate 8 years clean and sober, living for Christ. My life is way beyond my wildest dreams.
I hope you have cleaned up too. I hope you have given yourself a chance at the good life. We used to talk about things that really mattered. In fact, I know you have knowledge of a God who loves you. You told me so.
I pray you have found a meaningful relationship with Him. I pray you are not offering this heinous substance to anyone, including yourself.
You are worth so much more.
I am so glad I finally woke up. It took what it took to get me to the place of surrender, but I am grateful for every moment that led me to TODAY.