My friend shared her heart with me.
And when she did, I realized, her heart, was so familiar – broken, wounded, shattered – crushed and bruised by selfish (sexual) desires.
She didn’t even know she’d been “abused”. She thought it was normal.
Her first boyfriend (when she was only 13) made her have sex with him, and did not stop there.
He also made her have sex with multiple family members, male and female, and on and on they went.
She was part of this very vicious cycle for years. This was her first encounter with sex. Absolutely unsafe, harm on every end.
THIS wasn’t abuse? I know I was abused, and my abuse was ONLY one time.
This was years for my friend – years of wreckage and imprisonment.
And she perceived this as “all right” as “okay” as “acceptable”?
It felt like she was loved, right? She felt like she mattered – even if it was just for her body.
Any (and all) sex outside of marriage is NOT SAFE.
So many women (and men) have suffered at the hands of selfish, cruel, sex-driven mongers. (Mongers for whom Christ died – yes, but still, messed up people – people likely who had something similar or worse done to them).
I too suffered. It was brief. It did not last for years like my friend’s abuse. He earned my trust over that 6 month time period. He made me feel special. Even gave my own nickname. I was a freshman and he was a senior.
After gaining my trust, my abuser made his move. Brief – yes. And yet it lasted forever.
The actual abuse / sexual encounter was minutes, and yet, it followed me for over 14 years, until I would birth my first child. The same year my son was born, I did Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free”, and I did…
I broke free from the bondage of that abuse, out of my sexual prison.
I want the same for my friend. I want her to see. I want all of you to see – any of you carrying around your wounds.
She no longer has to call THAT normal and all right. She can have SAFE, beautiful, lovely, honoring sex with her husband one day.
And she will – and she will heal.
After she walks into the darkness – boldly carrying her light.
Not until she accepts the healing hands of Jesus all over her broken heart.
For the first 7 years of marriage, sex was fine. It just kind of was. In spite of my husband’s great love for my heart – I was shielded and I was keeping him away – my heartache, and my secrets, and my shame – I built walls in our unity.
Seven years into our marriage, I finally shared my abuse with him. I told him that I think I finally remembered it because here we are – PARENTS – and we are the ones protecting our kids now.
It’s crazy what comes up from our past, when our kids come into our future. We remember what we once forgot, so that we won’t forget for them what we most need to remember.
I told my husband my painful story. His heart ministered immediate grace.
He hated that I had suffered alone for years of our marriage. He tenderly showed me how safe his arms were – over and over – how absolutely different it is to be loved, and held, and honored in a sexual relationship. He’d already shown me this, and yet, NOW, I was able to receive the gift of safety.
He helped me heal from the sexual encounter – to stop seeing the face of that “man” – instead, to see the face of my husband and to know the heart of Christ within our sexual relationship.
Sex is SAFE. Being one with my spouse is SAFE.
It is close, and intimate, and bonding. It is a gift that God gave.
AND… It is work. It is daily. It is commitment. And it is worth it.
What I know NOW is this: Sex within the safety of God’s heart and within His intention is pure, holy, and clean. I wish I would have known that as a 20-year-old woman. Those first 7 years were not wasted. They led me to my healing.
What I know NOW is:
Sex is SAFE.
COMMENTS: How has your past shaped your future? What are you willing to break free from in order to see God as the God of more, better, and best?
i coach at www.everydaylifeline.com
i blog at www.iwokeupyesterday.com
HEALING FROM sexual abuse? Dan Allender’s book, The Wounded Heart
EDUCATING others about sexual abuse: Darkness to Light