Actually, it was on Wednesday, not yesterday, but I literally woke up weeping.
That’s how I woke up!
I was wounded, and my heart was hurt deeply.
My wounds are still raw.
The worst part is that I was wounded by the words of those that I thought loved me and wanted the best for me.
Maybe they do, but I wasn’t feeling it, and I’m still not - to be honest.
I’m a pastor’s wife, and they need me to be something other than what I am.
I’m told that my passion scares people, my thinking is too far outside of the box, and that I need to dim my light a little (or maybe hide it under a bushel).
Didn’t we sing about that as little kids? I’m gonna let it shine!
I’m asked what makes me think I’m special — what qualifies me to do this, to be that, to say this, or to live that?
My courage is NOT my courage. It’s the same courage the Holy Spirit has given you.
I am simply choosing to use it. It’s in you. I’ve seen it. And my prayer is that you will accept it, and live it out every day – your way, not my way, His way, in His power (not mine & not yours).
My thinking is HIS thinking. I have been transformed by the renewing of my mind.
The mind He gave me – the one he formed in me when I was still in my momma’s womb – he handcrafted it for His glory, to think as He does — with creativity that breaks from “normal” – whatever that is??? – on behalf of those who have no voice.
My voice is NOT a quiet one. I am a child of the King, a princess I suppose, but I am a warrior.
I was made to change the world every day – one moment at a time, one relationship at a time, one message at a time. He fought for me, and on the cross, the war was won.
Now, He has called me to fight the battles He sets before me.
He told me (it wasn’t a ‘suggestion’) to shine MY light.
I was made to point people to Jesus — to shine so brightly that the world,
and maybe even the church, takes notice (even if they don’t understand).
The light is on, and I’m not installing a dimmer switch. This is me.
My special is JESUS’ special. I have been super-sized.
I have super-hero qualities (those would be the qualities of my Hero and Savior, commonly known as the fruit of the Spirit).
According to Scripture, I have been seated at the right hand of God – placed, sealed, and held in Jesus Christ himself.
Don’t try to tell me that I’m not special.
I was made in the image of my Creator, Sustainer, Savior and King. So were you.
I’m no different. I’m no more called.
I don’t have more Jesus than you do.
I’m a pastor’s wife. I love the honor it is to lead and to serve people with my husband — to lay down our lives together, for the sake of His kingdom, and I am privileged to raise my five children in the midst of an incredible church family.
And I am tired. Maybe even spent. I feel empty. I’m not, but that’s how I feel. My efforts have been misperceived, misunderstood, and mishandled. I have been criticized, my motives critiqued, my heart called into question, and it hurts more than anyone might imagine.
Even your pastor’s wife cries salty tears.
She lays her head down at night, and sometimes she can’t sleep because sometimes . . .
She hears your words, and feels like she’s been gutted.
I am a pastor’s wife, I am a princess, and I am a WARRIOR for my King.
And THAT is what I will be.
They call us PWs. I choose for that to stand for Princess Warrior, rather than simply a Pastor’s Wife.
So think what you will. The last thing I want is to be a stumbling block for you.
But I must be who I was made to be — Standing boldly and with joy. Sometimes loudly, but always in His power and grace.
Amazing music video that speaks my heart way better than I can…Thanks Brit!
“Ready or Not”, Here I Come, Brit Nicole and Lecrae…
How is your “light shining” going? How can I pray for your courage and brightness? COMMENTS Welcome!
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