Consider Adoption: A Better Plan
The other day I was at the mall and stopped to let my daughter play in the children’s area. I was surprised at the number of teen mothers I saw playing with their babies. I was proud of them for choosing to give that child life yet I was struck with sadness that they were missing out on things that were essential not only for their growth but for the well- being of their child.
This is true for any young woman of any age that finds herself pregnant and alone. I wondered why these girls chose to parent over choosing adoption also if there is really enough education about the benefits of adoption.
I just picked up an old magazine that surfaced in a recent move and started reading an article on adoption and the healing that had come into all the lives of those involved, including the birthmother. I wondered why this perspective isn’t advocated more in the media.
The lyrics of a song poured into my mind, “that out of the struggle there was indeed a better plan”, not only for the baby, but for the young woman.
When my daughter was first placed in my arms I imagined a life of constant laughter, sweet kisses and hugs, dressing her up, having an instant friend that loved me unconditionally, fun play dates at the park, and cute pictures and crafts that covered my fridge. Everyone around me was so excited for my new life and all the joys it would bring. I was so excited for all of these moments. And I’ve had them and each memory is cherished and loved and I look forward to creating more of them. But what people fail to mention are the sleepless nights, poopy diapers, what to do when the crying never seemed to stop.
And as they grow older: more sleepless nights, piles of toys, picky eaters, the constant need for attention, no privacy in the bathroom, and I don’t think I’ve ever been able to sit and enjoy a meal without having to get up 10 times to get one more thing demanded by a sweet 3 year old. As I write this I am having things placed on my head and being barraged with questions, and demanded that I come and get breakfast for her RIGHT now!
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE being a mother, but there is no way I could do this without the help of her dad, my amazing husband. With his help in raising our vibrant and beautiful daughter, I have been able to get some me time, continue my education and pursue my music career. Without him I would not be able to function as the loving mother my daughter needs me to be. I would not be able to still be me!
Every woman and mother deserves that. Every mother needs a break, a time to rejuvenate, and pursue their hobbies and passion that allows them to continue their own growth and development. It’s not selfish, it’s essential! I am a better wife and mother because I am able to take this time for myself. Despite the daily demands of parenting, I still feel like a sexy, vibrant, beautiful woman. I deserve this, and so does my daughter.
My personal health is essential to her well-being. Her happiness is increased by the security of the home we offer as both of us nurture and care for her. I recognize this is not always possible and I honor and respect single parents. They are brave and admirable.
I’m not about condemning or judging those young ladies who have chosen to parent or even those that chose abortion. I would love to create more awareness of the benefits of adoption for those currently still making the decision.
My hope is that by listening to my song A Better Plan people will truly come to understand that adoption really is about love and a truly heroic act.
While the pain of giving up your child for adoption is heart wrenching and excruciating in the moment, there is great healing in the selfless act of giving your child to a loving couple that can give your baby more than you can at this given moment in your life. And though abortion may appear to solve the perceived immediate problem providing instant relief, it brings with it a burden you alone carry for the rest of your life.
Curtis J Young of the Family Research Council says, “Rarely does an unmarried pregnant woman stop to consider the tremendous cost and responsibility of choosing single motherhood. Successful child-rearing, while greatly rewarding, is also very demanding, even for two-parent families. It requires a great deal of time, self-sacrifice and financial expense.”
In her book For the Love of a Child, social worker Monica L. Blume points out, “Almost every birth mother I have ever seen who is choosing to single parent believes she will be one of the very few who beat the odds.” Many of these unwed mothers count on the father remaining fully involved or on having their own father help raise the child. And many single mothers hope to eventually get married.
Unfortunately, such hopes are not often realized. And many unwed mothers find that single parenthood is much more challenging than they expected. Studies have shown that single mothers have higher rates of illness, have less social involvement, and, if they are teenagers, are less likely to eventually marry than those who place their babies for adoption.”
Some may view placing a child for adoption as “abandoning” that child. But adoption is not abandoning your responsibility. It’s taking more responsibility. It is truly taking care of your own, because you’re saying, ‘I can’t give this child what he or she needs, but someone else can.’
To echo Curtis Young, “Adoption is not a breaking of trust but a keeping of faith, not an abdication of responsibility but an act of redemption, not the abandonment of a baby but an abandonment of self for a baby’s sake.”
As I wrote in the song A Better Plan, ‘Sometimes love comes at a cost we don’t understand, and you have to trust someway, somehow, it’s part of a better plan.’
Lundyn Rae is a country singer from Gilbert, Arizona empowering lives to greatness through music.
Go to www.lundynrae.com and enter the code ADOPTION1 to get your free download of the song A Better Plan.
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