Today, we are sharing excerpts from our upcoming book titled: Inseparable. If our story has helped you in any way, we ask that you share.
This story does not belong to us, it is all His and being told to bring Him glory.
My sister’s life, and her choices, profoundly shaped much of my security in Christ. There were months, even years, that we were unable to be close, unable to connect on any level, because of where our lives were at those points. There were times I had lost my twin. Even times that I hated my own voice, because I was so angry at the pain she was inflicting on herself, and on us, her family.
Tough love. Rescue missions – the kind where I couldn’t go in and make it all better. The kind where instead, I chose to say, “No more. I will no longer be a party to your death. Please stay away from my family until you have been sober for 6 or more months.” These are not words, that one human can easily speak. Particularly, one identical twin to another, yet, these were words that had to be spoken, for Grace to Prevail.
I am my sister’s keeper. I carry her in my heart. I breathe her story. I and she are one heartbeat, two bodies, and we are privileged to share in His infinite grace and His divine completion of each of our stories.
Her story and My story – they are shared, and they will be used to lead others to hope, healing, hearts open to His vast, infinite, outpouring of love and grace into our broken lives.
There was no gentle in this for me. It didn’t feel like a place in any way. It felt like Hell. I not only carried my pain into those four walls, but I walked in there with my parents – two broken-hearted, defeated, tired parents. Parents who loved their kids, and never signed up for this. Parents who had no idea what else to do.
I carried so much pain. And when I saw her – my twin – My Tammy – I carried her pain too. It was more than I could bear, and much more than she could carry.
I wish I could use words to accurately describe who I saw, what I saw, what I felt, what I imagined my parents to be feeling, and what She, the patient that had been “placed” in this desperately awful place – what was she feeling? And what was she seeing? Did she even know we were there for her?
Because I persevered and walked through my healing, I was able to let God in to that dark hole that had become my heart. I was finally free and I knew that God forgave me. He was always there, ready to forgive, but I was unable to receive it. I finally allowed His redemptive love to cleanse me in the deepest places of my hurt.
I have been clean and sober for more than 7 years. In those seven years of walking with God and trusting Him again, he has restored my dreams to be a wife and mother. I married an amazing, godly man in June of 2003. We have two boys, a four year old and a 5 month old. I also have a step-daughter, who is eleven years old.
My life is a beautiful canvas of His promise to restore, redeem and rebuild.