Is your marriage good, or is it great?
My husband and I have been blessed these past 6 weeks to be part of a small group of couples journeying through the series of” Love and Respect”. We watch a DVD series, led by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and then we have discussion and opportunities to share about our issues and apply what we are learning.
Our church limits the class to 6 couples at a time, so that there can be plenty of attention given during the group discussion. It is amazing to me that there is not a waiting list for this class.
We are committed to the class to help our marriage grow and thrive. But more importantly, we want to learn how to get along, communicate better, grow more intimate and to handle conflict.
I have heard from my husband, usually in the midst of a heated battle: “You don’t respect me. If you did, then……..”
In conflict, I say to him “I don’t believe you love me. If you did, then……” Have you even said this to your spouse? Isn’t it CRAZY that we would say this to the one we profess to love.
Ephesians 5:33 states to married couples:
Nevertheless let each individual among you also LOVE his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she RESPECT her husband.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs teaches about The Crazy Cycle in the series “Love and Respect”. Here it is in a nutshell:
Women desire love and men desire respect. It is inherent in our makeup; it is how we are wired. When a woman is not getting her love tank full, there is a deprivation and she reacts by being disrespectful. When a man feels that he is not being respected in his marriage, he responds in unloving ways. Have you experienced the Crazy Cycle in your marriage? Well, I have, and it sucks!!!!
Another really great principle taught in the series, is that our hearts toward our spouses are for their good. We do not intentionally set out to hurt them. Most of the time, in my marriage, I can’t even remember what started the original argument that led to the full-on blowout.
I am grateful for what I am learning and how we are growing as a couple. I choose to honor my husband today by respecting him, even if I disagree. This is challenging, but oh so rewarding. By meeting his deep need of desire for respect, I get my deep need for love met by him.
I don’t ever want to stop working on my marriage, and moving forward to the great places that God wants to take us. It is easy to get complacent, especially with kids and jobs and running a business and life and stress and bills and you fill in the blank_________________________
I am looking forward to our final weeks in the class, and for the many moments, days and years ahead to apply all that I learn to make my marriage one of the Great ones!
God wants His best in all areas of our lives. Is there a place in your life where you are settling for good, when you could have great?
Will you share with me either in the comments or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to speak with you.
i woke up yesterday and decided to RESPECT my husband, even when I may disagree, and it is making all the difference!!!
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