(an excerpt for my new book – “Inseparable”)
I am my sister’s keeper. I came that way. Even upon our delivery, I was first, born responsible, the one delegated to carry not just my heartbeat, but hers also.
It’s likely even, that just seconds after our mom’s egg was fertilized, that I spoke up and said to my other half, and also to myself: “I’ll be in charge now. I will be born first. And I will take good care of you. You won’t have to worry about a thing.”
We are identical twins. Shared egg. Shared room from the womb. Shared beds. Shared milk source. Shared blankets. Shared parents. Shared lives.
I loved (and still love) that I am a twin, that I have an identical twin sister to share my heart with. We were never alone. There was always someone to touch. An instant, constant, inseparable bond, rooted in the womb – this is the depth of our hearts tied together.
We shared, and still do, carry the same heartbeat. 40 years later. I hold her in my heart wherever I go. Today, though, carrying her with me, is so much less taxing. It has so much joy in it. I am no longer responsible for her well-being. I stopped pretending to have anything to do with “keeping her safe” a long time ago. Yet, she is safe. In His loving arms. She has been made whole.
And so have I – been made complete, whole, not because I have a twin to complete me, but because I have Him.
I am my sister’s keeper, and I am not my sister’s keeper. This took me a lifetime to figure out.
THE ABOVE WORDS: These are the beginning of the book I am joyfully and purposefully writing. I am committed to complete 10 or more excerpts of “Inseparable” (the story of Jenny and Tammy, identical twins, with very separate, and extremely connected lives) – complete 10 or more pieces of this story in the next 10 weeks.
WHY? I will complete this book for many reasons:
It has been in my heart and at the tip of my tongue for years now. My sister was brought back from the “dead” over 8 years ago now, but there is not a day that goes by, that I do not celebrate her redemption, and therefore remind myself, of all that God has done in my life as well.
Every story matters. There is no life that God cannot use. And our story, and the case study of our identical twinship, is fascinating. At14, Tammy picked up alcohol, and I picked up the addiction of “keeping all things together, in order, right”. At 20, I married a pastor, and Tammy married her addictions, and was spiraling deeply into bi-polar.
My sister’s life, and her choices, profoundly shaped much of my security in Christ. There were months, even years, that we were unable to be close, unable to connect on any level, because of where our lives were at those points. There were times I had lost my twin. Even times that I hated my own voice, because I was so angry at the pain she was inflicting on herself, and on us, her family.
Tough love. Rescue missions – the kind where I couldn’t go in and make it all better. The kind where instead, I chose to say, “No more. I will no longer be a party to your death. Please stay away from my family until you have been sober for 6 or more months.” These are not words, that one human can easily speak. Particularly, one identical twin to another, yet, these were words that had to be spoken, for Grace to Prevail.
I am my sister’s keeper. I carry her in my heart. I breathe her story. I and she are one heartbeat, two bodies, and we are privileged to share in His infinite grace and His divine completion of each of our stories.
Her story and My story – they are shared, and they will be used to lead others to hope, healing, hearts open to His vast, infinite, outpouring of love and grace into our broken lives.
I am thrilled, and honored, to begin and end with completion, of “Inseparable”. Keep checking in for more, and be ready to purchase the published copy as it is picked up by an editor this year.
Have you had to practice Tough Love in your life? Is there someone in your life that you “carry” in your heart? What has God taught you in this relationship? Please share your heart with me.
And, if this post has impacted your heart and life in any way, I ask you to share it. Press any of our share buttons: Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, your email share button. We believe God uses our stories for His glory, and we value your partnership in this mission. Bless you for your reading, and your receiving of my heart.
i woke up yesterday and i write today! Jenny Price