5 Benefits to Not Being Perfect, Jenny Price

My toilets haven’t been cleaned in two weeks, and I can’t remember the last time I changed my kids’ bedroom sheets.

My kids don’t take baths every day, and often their baths are late night swims in our pool.

I don’t read my Bible and pray every single morning of my life.

I don’t have all the answers – or all the questions.

 

What if you knew all this?

 

YOU already DO know this.  And so do I.

 

So, what if I just stopped pretending, and so did you?  What would that do for us in our daily lives?

 

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”   (You can even like YOU.)
― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life

When we stop pretending our perfections, we can live in freedom, peace, and joy – beyond what we could comprehend.

 

This is what it might look like:

1. I get to stop trying so hard.  The suffering is over. No one ever asked me to be perfect – except me.  So, release my facade and let go.  I let go of the need to be right, look right, sound right, smell right.  There is freedom in simply being real.  And the more real I am with me, the more authentic I will be in all other relationships in my life – God, family, friends, clients.  Freedom!

2. I address my pain, and joy (eventually) is more present in my life.  When I stop needing all things to be okay in the present, I can look back and face past pain, and move through it, and get to the joy on the other side.  But as long as I keep pretending that “it’s all good”, it really won’t be.  And a lot of our pretending it’s perfect today, is because we aren’t looking at overcoming our yesterday.

3. I recognize my need for help, and something far greater shows up in my life - His love and grace. When I stop being “perfect” – I realize I need God more.  I need the One who is perfect in every way, and allow Him to fill me, rather than attempting to fill myself. And I stop needing others to be perfect too.  When I practice His grace over my imperfections, it gives me more grace for all the “others” in my world.

4. I accept His improvement in every area of my life.  In my authenticity, my relationships flourish, my dreams become more possible, and I have way more fun.  Keeping it all pretty, tidy, and perfect – that’s just exhausting, and it’s such a silly facade for covering over other things we’d like to avoid.  But letting the outcomes be what they are, and improving areas that I can, and releasing those I cannot – that brings hope.

5. The pressure (that I created) is no longer “on” me.  No longer do I have to wake up and pretend – and project.  I am permitted to be the Me I really Am.

Rather than “be” the perfect mommy,  I get to be “me” – the perfectly imperfect mommy for my five kids.  Admittedly imperfect, readily apologizing, and modeling truth for them.

Rather than “be” the perfect pastor’s wife, I get to be “me” – the perfectly imperfect pastor’s wife for my hubby, my church, my family – silly, real, open, authentic me.

Rather than “be” the perfect life coach, I get to be “me” – the perfectly imperfect coach for you, because my being okay with being ME, is my best example for you to be YOU.

Rather than “be” the perfect friend, I get to be “me” – the perfectly imperfect friend, that is also too busy, also frantically moving through life, and still there for you, and for her, to be the best friend she can be.

And when the perfectly imperfect Jenny shows up, she actually becomes a way better mommy, wife, coach, and friend.  She is the real thing.

The funniest part of all this perfection seeking is this:

Every other person in my life, and every other person on this planet – they already know that I AM NOT perfect.  So, why not choose the reality for myself?  Why not open up space for all those other people to release their need for perfect in their own lives?  Maybe my admitting not being perfect won’t just change my world, but it will change countless others as well.

Where do you most struggle with your need to be perfect?  What have you learned about admitting your imperfections and the benefits that gives to others in your life?  Please share in comments below.

Also, we value your readership, and ask that you share ‘iwokeupyesterday’ with your friends.  Press one of the share buttons below.  You never know, what kind of freedom you might be sharing.

 

Need some coaching support?  Email me for your FREE one hour consultation.  REFER to “Not Being Perfect” and get your FREE session today!

jenny@everydaylifeline.com/772.521.3970

I Am Different (by Rhonda Oksman) Guest Post

Today’s post is by our friend and client Rhonda Oksman who has experienced transformation in such a short amount of time and has shifted in ways that takes others many years.  We are proud of her commitment to be fully surrendered to the purpose God has on her life.   Enjoy her story and please visit her blog at www.servingthehomeless.wordpress.com

Three days before the Women’s Retreat at CFBC I made a phone call to Jenny Price with a few excuses why I wasn’t going on the retreat.  I really thought that was going to be an easy phone call.  After that call with Jenny, skipping the retreat was not an option.  I was anxious, feeling like I didn’t fit in and very much resistant of the situation.

I had received a text message Super Bowl Sunday about this shift thing Jenny was doing and immediately went to a friend and asked how I could get those texts to stop.  Of course it wasn’t Jenny that was upsetting me; it was this ditch I had been sitting in. Reaching for a hand to get me out but not accepting the one that was reaching.

I started the 7 Shifts program mid-February after my friend Erin encouraged me to participate. I was resistant; it was obvious that I just wasn’t ready to get out of the ditch.  Nine days into the shifting I lost my job.  Now it felt as if something was in the ditch with me, standing on my head.  I stayed unhappy, alone and miserable still working on the shifts program but the resistance I had was obvious to anyone who came in contact with me.

CLICK ON THE BOOK COVER TO PURCHASE ON AMAZON

Mid-March I was asked to assist with the Passover Seder at CBFC. About the time I had already completed the Service week of shifting!  Something amazing happened, my heart opened in a GIGANTIC way.  I started blossoming right before everyone’s eyes.  I couldn’t see it yet but others loved on me differently. Others were being supportive and all the sudden I fit in. Unbelievable!

I was being transformed into the godly woman I wanted to be.  Joy had been the result of losing my control and seeking the Lord.  I discovered that I AM A COMPLETE AND CHOSEN WOMAN OF GOD!  I began serving at LAHIA, an organization supporting the homeless and indigent, about the beginning of April. It took a pan or 2 of Shepherd’s Pie to teach me that I had the ability to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a place that needed volunteers!

Today just 4 short months later I am different. I have been sculpted into a leader, a friend, a servant. Do I still face trials and tribulations? Of course I do but today I am nobody’s victim. Today I have choices on how I see and react to the things that cause me struggle. Today I am training for a 5K with some wonderful women that only want to see me grow. Today I am joyful and blessed beyond words with the newfound relationships that have been created.  Are you ready to Shift?

I have been blogging about my days at LAHIA at www.servingthehomeless.wordpress.com .   Please check it out.

 Be Social and share this post by clicking on the links below.  :-)

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My Kids Annoy Me…Sometimes (By Tammy Bolt Werthem)

Sometimes, my kids annoy me.  There I said it.  I am guessing you have said it too, if you have been a mom or dad for any length of time.

Recently, I shared with my sister that Dustin, my four year old was getting on my nerves.  I was sort of hesitant to say this because I thought this might mean I was not a good mom.  There is freedom in speaking the truth.  She identified and assured me this is very normal.  She has five kids, so I think she “gets it”.

When Dustin, my first born was a baby, I honestly thought he could do no wrong. He was my precious little angel.  Once he became a walking talking toddler, this all changed.  He began to test me.  He began to break rules and show defiance.

He showed up in the flesh as a little sinner.  His acting out usually happens for his favorite audience, me!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have an exceptional kid with a real easygoing temperament.  He loves to be with his mommy and he is eager to learn and grow. He is independent, innovative, active and an all-around amazing boy. He is a joy 99% of the time.  It’s that 1% annoyance that keeps it real for this mommy.  His annoying behaviors are a bit exaggerated due to us having another baby.  I see such a difference in their development.  Trevor, my 4 and ½ month old is totally dependent on mommy and daddy to get his needs met.  Trevor spends most of his day happy and content, smiling and cooing at me. On the other hand, Dustin is independent and willful. He likes to try things on his own and make some of his own decisions.  My expectations for them both are very different.  I expect my four year old to obey me.  I expect him to be respectful and follow directions.

I am working on my reactions to these annoyances with the help of my son, Dustin.

Recently, I asked him to pray for me.  I asked him to pray about my attitude when I get frustrated or “annoyed” with him.  He gladly prayed.  This openness and honesty with my four year old has been hugely beneficial.  He has permission to call me on my negative behaviors. My vulnerability with him, gives him an awareness that I mess up.

I too need help.  I need his help.  I need God’s help.

When my kids annoy me, I check my attitude and actions.  Am I too busy?  Am I shorting them on quality time?  Am I setting them up to be productive?

How do you handle it when your kids are annoying?  Share your story; I would love to know how you deal with frustrating behaviors or attitudes. We value your comments and love the conversations we have with our readers.

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Enabling or Empowering – Different Motivation Creates a Different Result by Michelle D. Howe

Enable and Empower means the same thing which is to give power, means, or authority to do something.  So why then does the result seem to be different in our interactions with one another?

When I think of the word enable I think about someone who is having their hand-held in life in a way that provides a benefit to the hand holder rather than the holder of the extended hand.  When I think of the word empower, I think of someone who is being held up by the hands of another as to benefit the one being lifted.

You see different motivation creates a different result.  Meaning who is the enabling or empowering about – Me or Them?

When my kids were younger, I bathed them, washed and put up their cloths away, did their dishes and so on.  Today they are 10 and 12 and are capable of doing those things themselves.  Why?  Because I handed over that power to them at a certain age when I saw they were capable.

Now I could still be doing those things for them but once they are capable I am now enabling them by doing it for them rather them doing it for themselves.

So the next question is who is really benefitting ?  If I enable them and continue to do these things for them, I am benefitting by feeling useful and needed in their life.  Rather, if I empower them to do these things themselves, they are benefitting by learning these skills for their future usefulness.

So as it relates to an adult situation the same is true.  A person dealing with addiction or other negative choices tend to be enabled by those around them instead of being empowered to be restored or healed.  The choice to enable this person has a great benefit to the enabler – the benefit of feeling loved, needed and accepted rather than rejected.

Touch love is one of the hardest things to do and yet the most empowering thing you can do for someone who needs to move on towards healing and restoration.

So how do you shift from enabling to empowering your loved ones?

First recognize who you are enabling and become aware of when it occurs.  Then, decide to shift into empowering by speaking in terms of their future potential rather than their past failures.

In other words, rather than focusing on the past of negative choices begin to communicate what new concepts, new opportunities and new people in their life will create as they are empowered to move forward.

Let me be clear that I am not saying enabling or helping those in need are wrong or bad.  I speaking about the true motivation of your heart.

This is what the Lord says: “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,  who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. 6 They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,  with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land. 7 “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord  and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.  9 “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.  Who really knows how bad it is? 10 But I, the Lord, search all hearts     and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” Jeremiah 17:5-10

We were never meant to be someone’s god or holy spirit.  By loving them from the heart of God inside of you from the Holy Spirit, they build confidence in the Lord and begin to rely His strength rather than yours.  That is the way God intended it to be.   Much love, Michelle :-)

So what are your thoughts or what can you add to why we enable over empower the ones we love?  Please click on comments above to share your thoughts.

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Useful Lessons on Slipping and Climbing, Jenny Price

Sedona, AZ —Red Rock Country—May 2012—photos by Me

Could you climb that?

If you could, would you?

Why would you want to?

What would lead you to take the first step?

What would you do to prepare for the journey?

What would your climb really represent?

Every day you wake up, this mountain is in front of you.  Your mountain today may look different than mine.  But it’s there.  And it’s huge.  It’s majestic.  It’s beautifully rich with wonder.

OR

Every day you wake up, and nothing is in front of you.  You aren’t awake enough to see it.  It’s there…and you don’t care to climb.  You’ve already tried all that.  It’s just easier to sit at the bottom and look up.  And wonder…what if?  You ignore the mountains.  Even their beauty and majesty.  You have learned to tune them out.

The choice is yours – which mountains you acknowledge.  Which ones you actually choose to climb – or not climb.

And then there’s the rivers running through your life.   Do you notice these?  Do you see the passing of time, and the flow of life, running by you?  Are you wading in the river, taking the risk, or sitting cozy and dry on the sidelines?

Observing.  Taking it in.  But not quite ready to get your feet wet.

When you do step in the water, the rocks are slippery. Your footing might just be insecure.  Uncertain.  Lacking stability.  And…step anyways.

When I was sitting by this river, just a few weeks ago, watching others play, soaking my feet in the freezing water, I saw several people slip.  I saw a fairly heavy-set woman bust right down on her butt.  I literally said, “OUCH” for her.  And, she got right up, and kept going to the swim hole, to ride the slippery rock slide back into the water she just fell beside.  I watched a young man, with his wife and little girl.  Hooting and hollering. Celebrating and taking pictures of every bit of their experience.  They jumped in to play.  And they all slipped - eventually.

When you climb in the water, you are going to slip.  What are your options when you do?

1. Pretend you didn’t.  Quick.  No one’s looking.  Just jump up and act like nothing ever happened.  Deny your slippage.

2. Stay there on your tailbone that you just busted and wallow in the pain.  Stay stuck.  Focus on the unbelievable pain, and let it keep you from moving.

3. Laugh at yourself. And say, “At least I tried.”  Enjoy the process.  Even the “oops” moments.  Learn from them.

4. Get up. Slip again. Get up again.  Slip again.  And keep slipping until you get to your mountain top.  Persist. The pay off is beautiful.

5. Blame it on the water – on the way the rock was designed.  Blame the fall on “it”.  Play victim.  Choose blame so you won’t have to step any further.

After spending time at the river, I saw my options.

I could play it safe.  Deny my dreams.  Wallow in what was, what is, what will be.  I could slip and stay on the ground.

Or, I could play it risky.  Jump in even deeper.  Get right up, knowing there will be other falls.  And move anyways.

There will be more mountains.  More valleys.  More forests.  More adventures. More climbs.  More rivers.  More to wade through.  More to swim in.

What will you do when the next one comes?   Will you see it?  Is it already in you?  Deep in your heart?  What option will you choose?

What mountain is right in front of you right now?  When was the last time you slipped, and it even hurt, but you got up anyways?  I can’t wait to hear YOUR story.

Be Social and Share “iwokeupyesterday” with other readers.  Blessings on a slippery day!

Want to Connect with your kids? Learn from Jennifer Grant (book review)

I had the privilege of reviewing the book Momumental, Adventures in the Messy Art of Raising a Family by Jennifer Grant.

Jennifer keeps it real in this book and shares about her personal adventures of raising four children, in our modern culture.  I related so much with her struggles as a mother to protect her children from societal influences.  Also, I related to her struggle to be an ideal mom.

The “ideal” mother is one that we all wish we had or wish we could be.

Jennifer shares candidly how she struggled for years to “measure up” and be this figurative supermom for her children and her mommy friends.  Instead of trying to live up to this unrealistic standard, she decided to quit looking for others for approval, and simply be REAL!

This includes choosing her battles with her kids.  She reminds herself that these kids are little people, with sensitive hearts and she is responsible for how these hearts are shaped. She continually ponders what her family is about, asking herself  what is our mission?

Jennifer talks a lot in the book about being intentional.  She is a mom who wears a lot of hats, including being a writer, blogger, wife and mother.  She chooses her time wisely and spends quality time with her family.  Family meetings are an effective tool she incorporated when her husband was travelling for work.  When her children were very young, she established meetings to allow them to give input on how they would like to make changes.  These family meetings became a tradition and proved invaluable at empowering each family member to make significant contributions.

Remembering that each child is different is essential in raising a family.  We will be required to adjust ourselves and our interactions for each child in our home.

Another important mechanism in raising healthy and happy kids is eating meals together.

Eat dinner.org says:

Families who often eat together are likely to have healthier diets, consume more fruits and vegetables and feel more satisfied and connected in their relationships.

Connection with our children is the most important element in their lives.

“Being connected with them sets our kids up – for a life of healthy connection with others and with the God who created them and who is even more smitten with them than we are.”

You can order the book on Amazon or Barnes and Nobles! Click the link here: http://worthypublishing.com/books/MOMumental/

Principles from How To Win Friends and Influence People shared by Michelle

I had the privilege over 15 years ago to go through Dale Carnegie training while working as the marketing and membership director at the local Chamber of Commerce in my hometown.  It was such an honor to be exposed to such amazing principles and tools at such an early age.

While cleaning out my bookshelf yesterday, I came across the my Dale Carnegie’s Golden Book.  This very tiny pocket-size pamphlet is filled with wisdom that I felt I would share with you today either as a reminder or for the first time.  So enjoy and start applying something today.

Become a friendlier Person

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
  2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
  4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  5. Smile
  6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sounds in any language.
  7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  9. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinion.  Never say, “you’re wrong.”
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying, “yes, yes immediately.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  10. Dramatize your ideas,
  11. Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

During the Chick-fil-a Leadershipcast one of the speakers said, “I grew up in America speaking English and today my kids are growing up in the world speaking social.”

Even though we are growing up in a very different world then when Dale Carnegie first developed these principles over 100 years ago they are still applicable to life whether face to face or online.  God Bless, Michelle :-)

So which one(s) are you ready to apply?  Do you already use some of these principles? I want to hear from you. Share your comment by clicking above.

If you found value in this post today, please share them below at “Be Social.”    If you aren’t already a subscriber to our blog, do so now so you don’t miss a post.

It’s our Blogaversary! What a Difference a Year Makes!! (by Tammy Bolt Werthem)

emilys-little-world.blogspot.com

Today, WE Celebrate our 1 year Blogaversary!

What a Difference a Year Makes!

Blogaversary is defined as the anniversary of one’s first blog post.

 You can view our first post here: http://iwokeupyesterday.com/2011/05/11/hello-world/

A year ago, we boldly entered the blogosphere. We had no idea what would happen when we hit that first “Publish” button.  We were a little afraid and very excited. We believed we would grow and learn and hoped that we would be helping lead others to hope and dream.

What a wild ride this 1st year has been for us.

Here are some highlights:

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Trevor Ray.

He is such a precious gift and miracle!  In the picture, he is held by the proudest big brother on the planet, Dustin Wade.

My husband became a Florida Certified General Contractor and our business is booming!

We improved our marriage by participating in a Love and Respect class at our church and are now leading our life group through the class.

Jenny and Michelle authored their first books.

CLICK ON THE COVERS TO PURCHASE THEIR BOOKS ON AMAZON!

In Copying is the Highest Form of Compliment, Michelle Howe uncovers Biblical truths to empower readers to   become the leaders they were designed to be. Wherever you are in life, Michelle’s personal journey to freedom will inspire you to take the next step to a life of greater influence.  Challenging questions and journaling opportunities in each chapter help coach you on your personal journey to becoming an imitator of the greatest leader of all times, Jesus Christ.  A great resource for personal Bible study or small groups.

-LeAnn Weiss-Rupard, President of Encouragement Company & Best-selling Hugs™ series author

I have written this book to support you in your journey – in moving you forward, out of mediocrity and into your greatness. The work of these chapters will lead you out of the “settled” life and into the “abundant life” that Christ promises to believers. (John 10:10) In my life experience, it is not until I have experienced a significant shift that I begin to see the lasting changes that move me forward in life – the kind of changes that last longer than a couple of days, or a few weeks – the life-long kind. My hope and prayer for you is that you create lasting changes – and that you move forward…faster…than you ever have before – by stepping into and fully embracing the 7 Shifts.  Author, Jenny Price

Jenny created: “7 Shifts” a (10 Week) Intentional Coaching Package:

Do you or a loved one desire honest, supportive, unbiased feedback or do you or a loved one want to create genuine, lasting life shifts? Do you want to move forward…FASTER?Jenny, a gifted encourager and truth teller, has developed a 10 week intentional program, which supports YOU in creating Lasting Shifts in your life. Her package includes her new book, an interactive, daily study through the 7 Shifts; weekly conference calls (with all participants); unlimited email support (as you work through your daily shifts); one 1 hour 1:1 session, Facebook support team,; and more. The next session(s) will run May—July 2012 and August—October 2012.

SIGN UP HERE:  http://everydaylifeline.com/services/coaching/

Jenny completed 15 weeks of intensive Leadership Training.  She says:

“I am grateful for my 15 weeks of intentional working on me – a huge time and monetary investment that has proven invaluable in my life, and in thousands of others, all because I stepped out…(via Klemmer and Associates training) – I learned more than I could possibly share AND it’s going to be displayed in my life even MORE, in the power of Christ.”

Michelle envisioned and created an event called LEADERSHIP UNLEASHED.  She spread awareness of our blog and business, built relationships with various community leaders, and generated some amazing wins for all of us.  Thanks to her amazing networking skills, we were featured in the “Luminaries” in our local newspaper.  We are forever indebted for her amazing gifts as a marketer and entrepreneur.

Michelle also co-facilitated a workshop at our church to lead women through healing from sexual abuse, using the Wounded Heart by Dan Allender.  In addition, she was instrumental in the planning and leading of our annual Women’s Retreat at Covenant Fellowship.

Collectively, we learned how each of us at iwokeupyesterday complement each other.  WE each bring something unique and valuable to this amazing team and we are so glad that we don’t do this blog  or life alone.

The start of this blog led us to dream BIG and create a Life Coaching business,called Everyday Lifeline. 

You can learn more about our business here: http://everydaylifeline.com/

WE held our first event, LEADERSHIP UNLEASHED, hosting over 100 leaders. WE learned about ourselves by playing with balloons and writing about inanimate objects. We shared about our lives and how we lead others.  We partnered with the amazing John and Linda Edwards of Genesis Dreamboards: http://www.genesisdreamboard.com/. WE had awesome community support and were blown away by the impact this day had in the lives of the attendees.

WE blogged 346 posts, including this one!  WE became better wives, moms, writers, bloggers, leaders, coaches, friends, and difference makers.  WE dreamed big and believed God for amazing outcomes.  WE learned some new skills, we made new connections and WE built a community.  WE learned how to tweet, to buffer, to timely and to be MORE social.  WE are so blessed by the support of our readers and are continually surprised by how this little blog is making a BIG impact.

WE value each and every one of our followers and thank you for helping us move forward in our first year.  WE look forward to many more years and posts and can’t wait to see what is in store for year 2 at iwokeupyesterday!!

In celebration, we are holding a CONTEST for our Current and New Subscribers.

The winner will receive an Amazon gift card for $100.00.

CONTEST RULES:

  1. Subscribe to the blog via Email to receive FREE UPDATES and/or”Like” us on Facebook.  (you can do both of these on the Right hand Sidebar)

  2. Create a unique way to SHARE our blog VIRTUALLY on the internet with your friends and family.

  3. Share your creative idea on the Facebook event page here:  https://www.facebook.com/events/358821420841925/?context=create

P. S. You can SHARE this post right now by using the BE SOCIAL buttons below!

My Letter to Their Birth Mother, Jenny Price

Today is Mother’s Day.

And it’s the hardest day of some womens’ entire year.

 

It’s a day of regret, “what if?”, and wondering.

It’s a day of grief, and heartbreak, and remembering.

We remember you Birth Mommy.  We do.

 

They left their birth mom’s “safety” as mere 3-year-old toddlers.

Broken nose.

Police cars.

Strangers taking them from the only family they knew.

And they appeared at our doorstep.  And their lives have never been the same.  Nor have ours.

And undoubtedly.  Neither has hers.

For their first year in foster care, I did visits with their birth mom.  I wanted to know their story, and see what was going on, and I also, took the risk, and tried to know her story.  She was wounded.  She’d already lost one child to the system.  She came from much more pain than had been inflicted upon her offspring.

I got too close, and she needed more than a visitor, and I had to let her know, that I could not take on her stuff, and do for her, as we were doing for her kids.  She needed to not reach out to me, as things got twisted, and complicated.  The boundaries went up.  All in time really, for her to sabotage her case plan.  Honestly, I look back, and wonder – Did she do this out of love for them?  Maybe she knew, she couldn’t do it as a mom AND keep them safe.  Regardless, the contact subsided, the court dates presided, and time would tell.

Adoption happened.  We opted for a closed adoption, as there was little evidence of health on her part.  She had chosen men over her children, over and over again.  We made it clear, we would love to share letters, photos, and would keep in touch that way.  We wanted her to “see” them, safely, and we wanted them to have as much of their birth mom as they could.  There has been none of that from her.  There have been phone calls, and texts, and I have made it clear what we are good with.  And still, no letters.  One day.

We surely have not done all of it right, but we have walked through this process with grace, and with hope.  Believing that one day, she could be restored, and be in their lives in a healthy way.  One day. We pray.

My letter as the adoptive Mother, to the Birth Mother

Dear Mommy “T”,

We are praying for you.  We often do.  The kids speak of Mommy “T”, and we have your picture up in their rooms.  They are doing well.  They are beautiful, hilarious, bright, and enthusiastic kids.  They are well loved, hugged, and kissed every day.  They are surrounded by love in our home, with us, with their older siblings, and many of our church family, that just pour out their love for these two special kids.

They will be in 2nd grade next year.  Everyone at school knows who they are.  They make sure to make their mark and be loud and silly enough to be known.  And they are twins.  And people think that, combined with their gorgeous blue eyes – Your eyes- that they are a hoot.

Gloria looks just like you.  She is radiant.  Glorious.  She lives life to the fullest.  She is affectionate, passionate, and wholehearted in every way.

Dalton is softer, quieter, and is still taking it all in.  He has just begun to speak of “before”, and he is healing, and becoming whole, in his time.  He adores Matt, and wants to be wherever Daddy Matt is.  It’s awesome, to see him so attached to a healthy, loving man.

I cannot imagine your heartbreak, and the way you must miss them.  And especially on these sort of days, when everyone is talking about their moms, and celebrating all the happy memories.  I pray for your heart to heal, and for the places in your heart that you have for your kids, be filled with the happiness you gave them, and the memories you did make, that bring you joy.

We love them.  We treasure them.  We hope to give them a joy filled life.  We give them Jesus’ love every day.

We pray you will know that they do, fully, and with happiness, remember Mommy “T”.

Love, Mommy Jenny

My heart beats for adoption. It is a special gift to get to be a parent to another woman’s child(ren).  It changes things for sure – to love another’s offspring and to know the face, and the heart of that other woman.  I thank God for His strength, and renewed perspective each new day. I thank God for Birth Mothers, all around.

 

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